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Did you know that 47% of US households are headed by singles? You may be alone, but you're not alone, even though you may feel that way if you're new to it.

I remember some years ago picking my child up at preschool and watching the meltdown of a friend of mine. It was approaching Thanksgiving weekend, her birthday, and also her first Thanksgiving alone, as a divorced woman. The kind teacher of our children had asked my friend, Rita, I’ll call her, what her plans were for the holidays, and that’s what initiated the meltdown. Rita’s ex would have the kids and she would be alone.

Being an old pro at this, I took Rita under my wing. “Come on,” I said, “I’ll show you how to do this.”

And that’s the thing. Yes, there’s loneliness, and pain, and sometimes anger, too, but the root of the matter is that if we’re aren’t used to being “alone” for the holidays, we don’t know how to do it.

Having been single for many years, I’ve been “alone” for many holidays. It seems a funny word to me, because being “single” does not mean being “alone,” unless you’re new to it. To rephrase it, I am not married or currently partnered. I have not had my children with me for many holidays. Now my children are grown and have many obligations over the holidays. What have I learned over the years?

Well, that year with Rita, we ended up serving Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless. I happened to work for a shelter at the time, so had all sorts of ideas. In order to fill all the corners of the holiday, we made placemats and favors beforehand, then spent several hours at the shelter with the homeless folks. It was a heart-warming experience for Rita and fulfilled all the needs of a holiday -- keeping yourself distracted from current pain you may be enduring (there were tables to set, dishes to arrange, people to talk to, plans to make), and giving something to others, connecting, and being involved. At the end of the day, Rita’s heart was full. She had also heard other people’s stories. I don’t like to ever say “worse than one’s own,” because one’s own situation is always tantamount. But stories which helped her feel connected and lessened her burden.

There was also a meaningful prayer when the archbishop showed up, as he sometimes did at the shelter. Don’t forget to nourish the spiritual side during a holiday. The archbishop talked about gratitude, and found things to say even at a homeless shelter. I agree with him that there is always something to be grateful for, if you turn your face toward the sun.

Guys, don't be shy about volunteering. As I said, the good Volunteer Director can fit the job to your talents and tastes. One guy we know decided to give a party for the kids at a children's shelter. He wasn't much on decorating frou-frou, nor did he have a lot of time (being a busy attorney), but he had a checkbook. He funded a great Christmas/Holiday party and showed up for the event to enjoy the kids and see the smiles on their faces. The Volunteer Director kept things moving along, I mean we all aren't good at riding herd on 20 little kids. So don't worry ... there's a way to make it happen!

More ideas next time...

Susan Dunn is The EQ Coach offering coaching, internet courses and ebooks on all the topics you're interested in. Call 210-496--0678 or mailtoLsdunn@susandunn.cc for immediate attention.


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