Single Jack-o-Lanterns Talk about EQ

WORKING WITH A BUNCH OF STRAW MEN, sQUASH-HEADS, AND WITCHES?
GETTING BULLIED? TRY SOME EQ COACHING. WE HAVE ANSWERS!
ANGRY?
SAD?
EQ IN JACK-O-LANTERN LAND

EMOTIONAL INTEL- LIGENCE ... IT'S ABOUT WAYS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORK BETTER. MOST PEOPLE SAY "IT'S THE MISSING PIECE" AND THAT IT TRANSFORMS THEIR EXPERIENCE OF LIFE.

Will it make you happy? Most people are about as happy as they decide to be, and most people don't know how to decide to be.

Call 210.496.0678 or mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc to get started NOW.

We're rated the #1 EQ coach certification and training program on EQ.org.

Think there are only two ways to spend the holidays -- with a partner and happy, or alone and miserable?

Think again. And here's your man to show you how.
THE GORDIAN KNOT ...

PLEASE SPEND AS LONG AS YOUR CAN, HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES, TRYING TO UNTIE THIS KNOT. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN POSSIBLY DO IT. THINK AND STRUGGLE. IF YOU'RE PATIENT ...

The Gordian Knot ...

I've always loved this myth. It's a great picture of Alexander, support for the liberal arts education (a la Aristotle), the glimpse of the thought processes of a great leader, whom you might otherwise think to be action-oriented. Well actually he was. There's a time to think and a time to act.

If you know the story, enjoying thinking on it again. If it's new to you ... enjoy! And apply it for the Gordian knots in your life. We could call it "thinking outside the circle!"

Untying the Gordian Knot

One day, according to ancient Greek legend, a poor peasant called Gordius arrived with his wife in a public square of Phrygia in an ox cart. As chance would have it, so the legend continues, an oracle had previously informed the populace that their future king would come into town riding in a wagon. Seeing Gordius, therefore, the people made him king. In gratitude, Gordius dedicated his ox cart to Zeus, tying it up with a highly intricate knot - - the Gordian knot. Another oracle -- or maybe
the same one, the legend is not specific, but oracles are plentiful in Greek mythology -- foretold that the person who untied the knot would rule all of Asia.

The problem of untying the Gordian knot resisted all attempted solutions until the year 333 B.C., when Alexander the Great arrived. Having been told of the legend, he proceeded to look at the knot for a minute and then draw his sword and cut through it with one slice of the blade.

Now one of the sites I went to for this legend says at this point, "'Cheat' you might cry."

I hope your first thought was, "Darn! I wish I'd thought of that," or "How clever."

Someone who would say, "Unfair!" is excessively rule bound and will likely make it to CFO, but never to CEO. This is the kind of thinking leaders must have.

The narrator continued with, "Alexander's solution did seem to go againt the spirit of the problem. Like we're supposed to make something harder than need tbe? To deliberately sabotage ourselves by limited thinking.

Alexander was a former student of Aristotle (see my section on TEACHERS on the Club Vivo Per Lei site.

This "problem" is similar to the ancient Greek problem of squaring the circle, whicih is easy to solve, as long as don't try and use the obvious tools - the ruler and compass.

Using a compass and a ruler, it is impossible to construct a square within the same area as a given circle. And that knot Alexander saw, could not be untied ... or at least he saw a quicker, better way.

Take home point: When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. The more you educate yourself, the more you develop all parts of your brain, and become whole-brained, the better you are going to be at solving problems.

They are not, as Einstein said, created on the same plane as their solution is likely to be.
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Foods that Protect Brain from Aging

BRAIN POWER, THAT'S WHAT WE LOVE! LASTING BRAIN POWER.

So you develop your emotional intelligence, you take a good dietary supplement, you work out ... what else can you do?

Eat these things, according to an article on msn.today from Psychology Today:

"Some edibles are especially good at protecting the brain’s delicate nerve cells and blood vessels from the damage that accompanies aging," the article says. "Most of them squelch free radicals, the renegade oxygen molecules spun off as the brain goes about the business of the mind. Most of the foods that are smartest for the brain are also good for the heart because both rely on a steady oxygen supply. The risks for cardiovascular disease correlate with risks for cognitive decline."

Number One on the list is BLUEBERRIES.

Sweet wild blueberries are bursting with antioxidants, which mop up nasty free radicals. Studies of rats show that a blueberry-rich diet improves memory and motor skills and reverses age-related declines in balance and coordination. Chemicals in blueberries affect the contractile machinery of arteries, and therefore have a good affect on blood pressure. Elevated blood pressure can damage delicate blood vessels in the brain and can lead to strokes.

Others making the top ten are dark leafy greens, salmong, sardines and herring, spinach, red wine, whole grain and brown rise, hot cocoa, nuts, particularly almonds and walnuts, garlic, and olive oil.

FOR THE WHOLE ARTICLE, GO HERE: http://articles.health.msn.com/id/100108099

Finnegan is rescued!

FINNEGAN HAS BEEN RESCUED AND ITS ONE OF THE SWEETEST STORIES AROUND!

WHEN LIFE GETS COMPLICATED, PEACE IS STILL REALIZABLE IN SIMPLE PLACES, A DEEP BREATH, ANDIN THE HEARTS OF KIND PEOPLE ...

Read the story here.

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Now occasionally I've felt like I wasn't going to fit in at the holiday occasions I've been invited to, but it's always kind of worked out like this. You never know!

Sweet story, isn't it.

Halloween Masks

HOW ABOUT TAKING YOUR MASK OFF THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!

What's behind that mask, anyway?


Do you know people who are hiding behind a mask? I'm thinking of someone I used to work for. He was very smart, probably one of the smartest people I've ever known, I mean functionally, but some people didn't like him, and the rest
really didn't like him.

Now I'm generally pretty benign about things, and couldn't figure out why the others talk so nasty about Tom. Finally I asked. "He hidden," they told me.

Usually when we say this, it's someone who acts like a robot, or like they had a mask on. They won't reveal themselves, we say, but there they are ! Big as life! What we mean is "they won't show their emotions .. they won't show how they feel.

We don't want tantrums, and histrionics, but we don't want a mask either. So, show a little of who you are when you're out. Some won't like you, but some will. If you keep your mask on, they never have a chance to find out if they like you or not!
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The Rules and Laws

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.


Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.


Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.


Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.


Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.


Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.


Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.


Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.


Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.


Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.


Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.


Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.


Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.


Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.


Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.


Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.


Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.


Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.


Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only become more so.


Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. “It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.” 2. “It is possible, but it is not worth doing.” 3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”


Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.


Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.


Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.


Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.


Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.


Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.


Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won't.


Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.


Cooper's Law: All machines are amplifiers.


Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.


Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.


Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.


Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.


Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.


Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary: Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.


Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in different directions


Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.


Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Single for the Holidays: The Rules and Laws

Think you're ready for the holidays? Remember THE RULES & LAWS:

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.


Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.


Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.


Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.


Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.


Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.


Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.


Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.


Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.


Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.


Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.


Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.


Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.


Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.


Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.


Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.


Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.


Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.


Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only become more so.


Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. “It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.” 2. “It is possible, but it is not worth doing.” 3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”


Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.


Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.


Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.


Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.


Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.


Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.


Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won't.


Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.


Cooper's Law: All machines are amplifiers.


Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.


Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.


Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.


Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.


Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.


Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.


Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary: Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.


Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in different directions


Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.


Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Single for the Holidays

Think you've got the holidays figured out? Remember the Rules and Laws:

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.

Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.

Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.

Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.

Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.

Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.

Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.


Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.

Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only become more so.

Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. “It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.” 2. “It is possible, but it is not worth doing.” 3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won't.

Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.

Cooper's Law: All machines are amplifiers.

Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary: Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.

Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in different directions

Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

THE EQ COACHES LAWS ABOUT SINGLE AT THE HOLIDAYS:

1. “It is completely impossible. I'll never get through it." 2. “This isn't as bad as I thought it would be." 3. “Best holiday I ever had. I knew I could do it!"

Hurricane Wilma

HURRICANE WILMA ... If you're sitting in the possible path of a hurricane, your fears are legitimate and realistic.

Our fears can also be irrational. We know this very well about others, i.e., the little boy who thinks all dogs bite, or the adult who's afraid to ride in elevators. When we have a fear like that, we know it's irrational intellectually, but it isn't making any difference to us emotionally.

I'm reminded of this watching Halloween come around. I write, coach and consult about EQ at work, among other things. I have always written before the holidays (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yom Kippur) to help with the emotions that churn at that time of year, because of all the issues we all have to face, and that managers, HR and CEOs must prepare for. They center around religion, and we feel strongly about religion. How to honor this is an ongoing challenge in the US, with our increasing diversity, but we know from history that it's about the most important thing to most people. More wars have been fought in the name of religion, and more people killed, than probably any other cause, and civilizations such as Rome lasted as long as they did because they never tampered with the religions of the people they conquered.

We feel strongly about religion. One person thinks it's wrong to celebrate Christmas in the workplace, and another thinks it's fine to celebrate Christmas as long as Kwanzaa is celebrated as well.

Those feelings are strong, but they can't compare to the FEAR that generates at Halloween.

I am not a native of Texas, but have lived here many years, and I'll never forget my first Halloween here. The town I live in is 60% Hispanic, and (as you may or may not know) there's this thing they do where they dress skeletons like a bride and groom. I found this very startling! There's a lot that goes on around Halloween that's scary; there are plenty of kids that don't really like it.

And what it triggers are two things we don't like around an office -- (1) It's "childish," and (2) It's creepy, and each person has their own level of "creepy tolerance."

We can put up a Christmas tree in an office and get little flack, but try putting a jack-o-lantern with candy corn in it, or a skull and crossbones, and watch the feathers fly.

Now I'm going to relate this to Hurricane Wilma which is circling around the Yucatan as I write, and heading for somewhere in Florida. We've been told we have 3 days to prepare and that it's moving at 5 miles an hour.

THE CRUISE I TOOK IN A HURRICANE

For years I refused to take a cruise because someone always invited me in September and that's, as I "knew," Hurricane Season. Actually hurricane season, as technically defined by the weatherologists, lasts for more than 6 months.

Then I was asked to speak on a cruise in September, my sister had also been asked, and I didn't even think about it. Off we went. Into the eye of the storm, it turned out. That was Hurricane Isabelle, September 15-20, 2003. Check out this amazing website for a replay.

But we didn't know it when we embarked, as it's called, we only learned about it as rumor and near-panic spread through the ship. Being quasi-personnel, we heard the crew side of it. They weren't at all concerned about safety, just the extra work. The furniture had to be removed or lashed down, doors sealed shut, people calmed, and the ship diverted.

Now I'd like to think they care about the people (and of course they do), but there's also that $20 million ship (or whatever they cost these days) to consider, so trust me, you're safe. The captain (and you must witness the captain of a cruise ship to understand absolute authority) has all the GPS stuff, and is in constant touch with necessary information. (And like a good captain, he also made a point to stroll around and make his calm, assured presense known to the passengers.)

You actually can't be safer than on a cruise ship. Well, I mean you're safe in Boise, Idaho, but as far as where the hurricane might be actually heading. The ship can easily, easily outrun the hurricane. If you're sitting in Key West, or Cozumel, not so. You can't move.

In fact my son's father-in-law says that when he was in the navy in Vietnam, they'd duck in and out of a hurricane in order to wash the ship. Five miles an hour, as you know, is very slow.

What happened is we went elsewhere. The hurricane appeared to be heading for Grand Cayman, so we went to Belize instead. That's bad (at least to me), but not as bad as sitting on land waiting and wondering and not knowing, and then being hit. We simply went elsewhere. We were taken such good care of. The ship did rock and roll more than usual. Those stabilizers usually make the bobbing below the level of awareness, but as I gave my talk on "Emotional Intelligence," all full of allusions to the sea, I almost fell over, and a few people were seasick and wearing their patches, but all in all, it was ... well actually it made a great memory and a great story.

So my fear of cruising "during hurricane season" was irrational. It was confronted by the actuality, and dispelled.

What irrational fears do you have? How are they limiting your life? What might you do about this?

The keys to this were (1) having the experience, which I wouldn't actively have chosen, it was just luck; and (2) not being alone. My sister and I have been through worse things together.

It's very different to be stuck on land in the probable path of a hurricane, unable to get away.

Think of this in EQ terms. Being able to move is so crucial. When we're flooding with fear, the chemicals from our reptilian brain poise us for "fight or flight." (There's no fighting a hurricane, of course; one must flee.) But there are those whose amygdala is over-active, and they FREEZE. This can happen when you stop and think ... the reptilion reactions are designed to STOP THINKING. (Therefore, my friend, if you want your employee, or your child to take a corrective action, don't frighten them!)

When confronted with a charging bull, you won't survive if you become rational and try and figure out what breed it is. "Hmm, It's bos iberius the ones born and bred to charge. I'd better run. No wait, it could be a ...."

Those emotions are designed to move us ... literally and figuratively. Our emotions are designed to give us information that keeps us alive. It's how we manage them. There's no feeling that isn't accompanied by a thought. To me when I hear "cruise and hurricane" my emotional reaction is not one of fear. If I were in Key West right now, I would be scared, and my heart goes out to those in the possible path. Of course we just coped with this around the Houston area recently.

Another little boy isn't afraid of dogs biting, and another adult isn't afraid to ride in elevators, but we're all afraid, after the age of about 6, to be in the path of a speeding car, because ... "you have to be carefully taught."

There's no feeling that isn't accompanied by a thought, you see. When I hear "hurricane and cruise," my thoughts don't scare me. And looking at two skeletons dolls dressed like a bride and groom isn't going to hurt you, it's the thoughts you're having.

What have you learned? How does it serve you? It is rational or irrational? If you're sad, or depressed or angry as the holidays approach, what are you thinking? Would it serve you, and your health, to rethink?

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS THE INTERFACE BETWEEN INTELLECT AND EMOTION.
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"My music is so often like a lullaby I write to myself to make sense of things I can't tie together, or things I've lot, or things I'll never have." -Stephen Jenkins

You love music. It soothes the savage beast! Let me send you my robust gourmet selection -- once a week to your email inbox, FR**. All you have to do is click and listen .. to some of the finest music in the world through time and space from the beauty in me to the beast in you. Club VIVO PER LEI/I LIVE FOR MUSIC. Click HERE to join. While you’re there, enjoy Schumann’s Abegg Variations. It’s FR**, of course.
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ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS!!!

Remember that game that's on those logic tests where you're given 3 things that are in a group and you have to choose, from a list, the 4th thing?

We categorize all the time. We do it by different categories. Here are two sets that are based on completely different things. The "logic" in the test is that you have to figure that out. This is very must like figuring out how someone else thinks!

1. crysanthemums, harvest moon, autumnal equinox (and your choices are: kiwi fruit, pumpkin or watermelon)

2. plum, orange, watermelon (and your choices are tomato, potato, turnip) The category is "fruit" and "tomato" has to be in your "fruit" category for you to get this one right.

Remember, no feeling exists without an accompanying thought.

EQ is about rearranging things within a category!

For instance you may have a category called (whether you're mindful of it or not) Major Surgery, A Bullet Wound to the Hip, and My Job

or

Liars, Thieves, Scoundrels, Brothers

When I saw the title of this book laughed, but of course I'm always thinking in EQ terms. It happens to be by a linguist, and that category is one that an Australian aboriginal tribe has.

Think about your categories! Are they realistic? Are they like someone else's? Most importantly, are you aware that you have them? Until you're aware of how you're chunking things in your brain and how that effects your thinking and your feelings, you can't change ... and if things haven't been working for you, you will want to change.

There isn't a feeling we have that isn't preceded by a thought. Words. Think about it!

i.e., where do you put "single"?

Category A

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Shyness with the Opposite Sex

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The holidays are going to offer opportunities. Whether it's the office party, or the annual gathering at Aunt Martha's, if you're looking for a partner, there will be mistletoe there for the standing under! Here are some tips if you're shy.

"12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness with the Opposite Sex,"
by John and Leann Morris

Getting rid of your shyness may seem impossible but with a little effort and the desire to be more outgoing with the opposite sex then you can definitely overcome shyness. It is important to know that the fears you feel when shyness hits you is typically always much worse than the reality of the situation.

1. Fake it until you make it! This is an infamous saying in the sales world. In other words; mimic or act like someone whom you admire. It is a great way to start teaching yourself new behavioral habits.

2. Ask yourself why you are shy. Be honest with yourself. What are your real fears? What do you think people see when they talk with you? Answering these questions will help guide you into separating reality with what you are mistakenly perceiving it to be.

3. Work on building your self confidence. Yes, this will take effort on your part by reading books on the subject or listening to motivational tapes, but it works!

4. Learn how to use daily affirmations and positive mind influence. Again, this takes work but the power to change your shyness to confidence can come simply from saying things to yourself every day like "I like myself!" or "I am a winner!"

5. This may sound silly but take time out alone to roleplay situations that you get really nervous about. Pretend that you are talking to that guy or girl that makes you shy. Be that outgoing person that you wish to be. This roleplaying will send
messages to your sub-consciousness and help your inner-self change.

6. Dress to impress even if nobody is looking. Iron those clothes! Keep that hair neat! In other words, always look your best. This does amazing things to help you feel better about yourself and overcome shyness.

7. Start projects in life that make you feel good. Start a personal project, totally clean up your house clutter and your car. Work on a new hobby. How can these things help you with overcoming shyness? Simple by working on things that make you
feel good produces a natural aphrodisiac that turns you on and which indirectly turns on people around you.

8. Reprogram your mental definition of shyness. This goes along the same lines as using daily affirmations or by reading self help books. By changing your perception of shyness instead of having a negative attachment to the word, you will then help
re-create your outlook on it.

9. Learn to take risks. How many times did you just want to go up to someone and tell them how beautiful they were, or how impressed they were. As a daily exercise do this: Each day of the week go up to a total stranger and say something nice. It
could be something as innocent as complimenting a pretty girl on her hair or a guy with his shirt. Do not worry about the outcome, do not worry about what they say, just do it!

10. Combat your fears of rejections by realizing that everyone gets rejected at one point or another, everyone! Learn not to take rejection personally. Use it as a tool.

11. Be honest and up front!... tell people that you are shy up front, be honest with them. You will not believe just how nervous and shy the other person is as well.

12. Last but certainly not least... pray to God. Share your shyness with God and ask as him for the strength and courage to overcome it.

About The Author: John and Leanne Morris are dating and relationship coaches. For more dating tips and advice check out: http://www.Christian-Dating-Advice.com
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DATING IS STRESSFUL. It can whack out your immune system, as if you didn't have enough stress already ... and the holidays, too! Arbonne's Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement is a technologically-advanced combination of herbs and other ingredients scientifically proven to help nutritionally support the immune system. Start taking it now and STAY WELL.

Plans for Singles for the Holidays

Let's Make Plans! Whatever you're waiting for, your life is going on while you think you're waiting!

We direct you to a great site for INTROVERTS. If you're an extravert, you may not have the love of your life right now, but it's for sure you;ll always have people around you and that you know where and how to find them.

The Introvert, however, has a problem in that they don't enjoy the type of exchanges, activities and get-togethers than puts people together for possible romance.

For many introverts, their favorite thing to do is "be alone." So we have two introverts who love to be alone, maybe interacting on an Internet dating site...which, in fact is nearly perfect for the introvert, but there are pitfalls which we'll get into next time.

However, IF YOU'RE AN INTROVERT OR ARE DATING ONE ...visit TheIntrovertzCoach and INFP BLOG and check out EQ 4 U for more great tips.
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"Home is where you hang your heard"? Not this year! Schedule your Holiday Prep Coaching Session with Susan. Try something different!

Great Site for Shy Guys

PSSST. THIS IS NOT A DATE!!

We've found a great new blog. Check out the ShyGuysCan Blog.

You'll find a great review of the book The Shy Single : A Bold Guide to Dating for the Less-than-Bold Dater by Bonnie Jacobson, Sandra J. Gordon - clear, concise, realistic dating advice.

And featured today is one of my articles - Dating on the Internet for Guys: Entry Level. Not for you, of course, for that doofus friend of yours that can't seem to get it right and is driving all the cool gals off the dating sites. YIKES!!!
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DEVIL OR ANGEL? Make sure she's who she says she is. Play it safe. Visit TheCloser.
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It's time to schedule your Holiday Prep Coaching Call. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc or call 210.496.0678. Ho Ho Ho

"Home is where you hang your head." - Groucho Marx

YGRAINE IS DRESSED FOR THE HOLIDAYS, BUT SHE ISN'T INTO THE SPIRIT.

I am babysitting my grand-dog right now. Her parents have moved in with friends while they demolish their current home and build a new one.

I don't understand people who say dogs don't "have feelings." It's so clear!

Ygraine sat by the front window when her "daddy" drove away and whimpered. She sniffed at the piece of cheese I offered her but refused it. She turned back to the window, hoping against hope ...

Then she sighed and walked forlornly over to her place on the rug by the television where she had sat the whole time her dad was here.

I know she'll adjust in a couple of days. She's been here before. Right now she's miserable, missing her home and her folks. (Ever had that feeling?) I will gently work with her but right now I'm not what she wants and there's no way around it.

It's sad to see her refuse the love that's here for the love that's gone.

NOW YOU CAN SEE BEHIND THE MASK! Here's a great idea ... a way to really connect, virtually, which will also be available on the holidays, I'm sure!
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"Virtual Dating - A Safe Way Of Checking Out Potential Romance,"
by Erick Shipmon

The personals ads in the local newspaper are getting old, and online dating services have applications that are long and ask a lot of questions. Do you often wonder how many phone connections you'll have to go through before you meet the person of your dreams?

Well, seeing the right person is just a webcam away with virtual dating. This revolutionary technique involves going online at a singles website, logging in, and using a special password to get in your wannabe special friends webcam. There the two of you can talk, share laughter, and best of all-see each other before you decide to take it to the next level and go out on a date.

The Internet wins again in the cutting edge dating arena with this online dating service, and you only have to sign up and log on to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

The benefits are simple-you choose when you want to meet someone new, when you want to see them, and can do it all from the privacy of your own home! (Some sights are free online dating log in for women, some are free for men.)

Ever been on a blind date and you're not sure you want them to know where you live? Well virtual online dating takes all the pain of making excuses away while you try to escape. Don't want to spend a lot of money on a first date but don't want to seem
stingy? The free online dating sites also allow you to set up a more intimate date at your leisure. Online personals and internet dating leave you wanting to see what the other person looks like, but how to do it without committing to a date?
Virtual dating lets you talk and see each other as much as the two of you would like before actually going out.

While other sites feature black dating online, gay dating online, teen dating online, etc. you can't be sure that the person you're in the online chat room with really is black, or gay, or a teenager.

With virtual dating what you see is what you get.

It's about time.

About The Author: Erick Shipmon is currently the President and CEO of edatingplanet.com which is quickly becoming the hottest, most desirable online dating service on the web. eDatingPlanet.com online dating services include: E-mail, Live Chat, Live Video, and FREE VoIP Broadband Long Distance
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Thanks, Erick, for a great article, and an idea whose time has come!

I'm known in my family as the original Christmas Elf. I've always loved Christmas and thought it was created just for me. And this even when for many years I held jobs that escalated dramatically during December. I thought I'd share ten ways to make the most of this wonderful season, not because I'm any sort of expert, but because I love it. I'm a pro at enjoying it. Whether I’ve spent Christmas with loved ones, in-laws/out-laws, friends, family, or alone, each one’s been better than the next.

1. It's all about warm feelings.

You are creating memories for yourself and for those around you. Stay in the moment and don't dwell on past occasions, because this one coming up will be "the best Christmas yet." I have said that every year!

2. Bake, bustle and bedeck.

Yes, it takes work, but like labor (as in childbirth) it's one of the times when your work really pays off big time. The point is that it is different, so let it be different. Fill the house with the smell of ginger, chocolate and cinnamon. Go out in the yard, cut holly and greens and drape them everywhere drapable. Put reindeer horns on the dog, mistletoe in the office break room, a big red bow on the mailbox, and definitely a big wreath on the front of your car. And while you're at it, make a tiny scarf or tiny Santa cap for the "Jack" on your antenna. Wear a Christmas tie, Santa earrings, a decorated sweater and jingle bells on your ankles (use the dog collar). Bustle, do more, get in the spirit. Yes, you're busy. You're busy doing wonderful and fun things, and your heart can be full of the people you're doing this for. Know what I've learned? You could be just as busy preparing for your mother's funeral — same deal – food, houseguests, cleaning, travel, in-laws, worrying about budget, arrangements. Get it?

Great Learning Experience: If you're "alone" this holiday and don't feel like decorating the house, that it's "not worth the trouble," who were you decorating for? Not yourself? You're not worth it? You don't deserve to look at your house bedecked?

3. Spread good cheer.

Many people do have a hard time with the holidays. If you don't, let your light shine on the corners of others' darkness. When I hear someone say, "I can’t handle this," or "I'm overwhelmed," or "There's too much to do and I'm tired. Aren't you?" I bellow out good and loud -- NOT ME!

4. It's only "commercialized" if you let it be.

Everything in life is "commercialized." Or not. My dear friend Ann McGlone told me years ago what fun she had figuring out the greatest vacation on the least amount of money. She was incredibly creative about it and I had the good fortune to do many events for charities with her, I adopted her ways and applied them broadly. I recommend it.

5. Christmas works on any budget.

Yes, it's hard if you're really facing a "hard-candy Christmas," but it's at those times that we're often at our best. Stripped of our "lucre power," we are left with "us" – imperial, proud and true. In truth, the things you DO with people, and the way you ARE with people are the greatest gifts you can ever give, and they are increasingly rare.

6. The perfect gift?

Giving of yourself. It requires no money whatsoever. What's demanding about going out and buying her a sapphire ring? On the other hand, would you take the time, effort, and empathy to create an occasion designed for her enjoyment, which for any man, woman or child would be a time of your unconditional, undivided, unadulterated attention?

7. Love yourself and love the season, but focus on others.

My many years raising funds for charities gave me a unique opportunity to see it's really true – it's the giver who gets the gift. It is great fun to sit down and think about who really needs some help. Mita's husband is in Iraq. Babysit for her one Saturday so she can go shop for the kids and have lunch out with a friend. Give a Christmas party for the kids down at the shelter. (Tip: Buy the very best candy, not the cheap bag stuff. The difference will be all yours.) Make homemade dog biscuits and deliver them to the animal shelter. If you're of another faith, volunteer to staff the homeless shelter Christmas Eve, or to staff the hospital ER Christmas Day. Put a jinglebell collar on your lovable Lab and take her to the nursing home. Call the dear octogenarian at your church and make a date to take her for a drive to look at Christmas lights and enjoy a little hot chocolate and Russian tea cakes with you afterwards.

8. Find the sacred moments and don't be afraid to cry.

The joyous part we talk about, but when you sit down finally at the end of a long day in your rocker in front of the beautiful Christmas tree to rest for a moment and enjoy the beauty, and put on your Luciano Pavarotti video and listen to him sing that duet with his arm around that precious little boy who looks up at him as he hits the high notes, innocently and easily, as little boys do, and the tears well up as you remember such a little boy who now has whiskers on his cheeks and is 6'2" and has a little boy of his own, let them. It's an emotional time. That's what memories are made of.

9. Love the Scrooges.

They are there and you will hear them. There are people for whom there's always something wrong with something, and this is just the next "something." Same issue, new venue. Get your mantras ready. Here's one I use, with my big holiday smile – "That's okay. I'll enjoy it for you then, and get twice as much fun out of it!" As if it were a zero-sum universe!

10. It isn't an intellectual debate.

You'll hear it -- Should someone who isn't "Christian" celebrate Christmas? Should we also do Hanukkah? Have we materialized Christmas so it has lost its meaning? Will we offend someone? Is it a "religious" celebration or is it "secular"? My answer to this is, I'm at peace with my maker and my fellow man in my heart, I understand my way is not the only way, I see that nearly every culture celebrates something this time of year for a reason (see topten BD322, and why on earth would you pass up any opportunity, ever, to celebrate, spread joy, enjoy one another, give and receive, eat, drink and be merry, and yes, worship?? Whatever face it wears, bring it on! Kwanzaa's cool for me. A chance to celebrate unity, self-determination, collective work and responsiblity, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity and faith? Hey, don't leave me out!

P.S. Nowhere it is more applicable that anything worth doing, is worth overdoing! Joy to the World!

WONDERING WHAT TO DO FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

Q: What are your plans for the holidays?

It's good to have a plan! If you know you're going to be unhappy spending Thanksgiving by yourself, get proactive. You can be proactive in your own style, according to your own personality. Not everyone is a raging extrovert after all. (If you're an introvert, and/or intuitive as well, check out TheIntrovertzBlog for tips on how to enjoy your own style, and help others see how it works for you.

Here's a tip from a reader:

A: I think this year I'd like to go over to someone else's house. Last year I took a cruise over Thanksgiving. I missed a homemade turkey dinner.

Q: So what will you do?

A: Well, I'm on the quiet side, but I have lots of friends, so here's what I'll do. I reconnect with people who are likely to invite me over. I have one friend who I know if I just give her a call along about now, she'll ask, "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" and then I say "Nothing. My son will be at the in-laws," and then she'll say, "Well why don't you come join us?" and there's my invitation. There are others who would do the same, so I choose who I get around.

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Whether you're newly single for the holidays or an old hand, we offer resources, ideas, support, articles, ebooks and products to help. We have ideas! And we welcome you to share yours with blog readers.

Did you know that 47% of US households are headed by singles? You may be alone, but you're not alone, even though you may feel that way if you're new to it.

I remember some years ago picking my child up at preschool and watching the meltdown of a friend of mine. It was approaching Thanksgiving weekend, her birthday, and also her first Thanksgiving alone, as a divorced woman. The kind teacher of our children had asked my friend, Rita, I’ll call her, what her plans were for the holidays, and that’s what initiated the meltdown. Rita’s ex would have the kids and she would be alone.

Being an old pro at this, I took Rita under my wing. “Come on,” I said, “I’ll show you how to do this.”

And that’s the thing. Yes, there’s loneliness, and pain, and sometimes anger, too, but the root of the matter is that if we’re aren’t used to being “alone” for the holidays, we don’t know how to do it.

Having been single for many years, I’ve been “alone” for many holidays. It seems a funny word to me, because being “single” does not mean being “alone,” unless you’re new to it. To rephrase it, I am not married or currently partnered. I have not had my children with me for many holidays. Now my children are grown and have many obligations over the holidays. What have I learned over the years?

Well, that year with Rita, we ended up serving Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless. I happened to work for a shelter at the time, so had all sorts of ideas. In order to fill all the corners of the holiday, we made placemats and favors beforehand, then spent several hours at the shelter with the homeless folks. It was a heart-warming experience for Rita and fulfilled all the needs of a holiday -- keeping yourself distracted from current pain you may be enduring (there were tables to set, dishes to arrange, people to talk to, plans to make), and giving something to others, connecting, and being involved. At the end of the day, Rita’s heart was full. She had also heard other people’s stories. I don’t like to ever say “worse than one’s own,” because one’s own situation is always tantamount. But stories which helped her feel connected and lessened her burden.

There was also a meaningful prayer when the archbishop showed up, as he sometimes did at the shelter. Don’t forget to nourish the spiritual side during a holiday. The archbishop talked about gratitude, and found things to say even at a homeless shelter. I agree with him that there is always something to be grateful for, if you turn your face toward the sun.

Guys, don't be shy about volunteering. As I said, the good Volunteer Director can fit the job to your talents and tastes. One guy we know decided to give a party for the kids at a children's shelter. He wasn't much on decorating frou-frou, nor did he have a lot of time (being a busy attorney), but he had a checkbook. He funded a great Christmas/Holiday party and showed up for the event to enjoy the kids and see the smiles on their faces. The Volunteer Director kept things moving along, I mean we all aren't good at riding herd on 20 little kids. So don't worry ... there's a way to make it happen!

More ideas next time...

Susan Dunn is The EQ Coach offering coaching, internet courses and ebooks on all the topics you're interested in. Call 210-496--0678 or mailtoLsdunn@susandunn.cc for immediate attention.


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