New Year's Eve

Best way for singles to get through New Year's Eve and holidays is with a good sense of humor.

Many people like to "cocoon" on NYE, so don't think anything of it if you want to put a fire in the fireplace, some warm slippers on your feet, and curl up with a good opera or a good book tomorrow night. . . and be sound asleep before midnight.

News from the mailbag is that many people are going to just ignore New Year's Eve.

Meanwhile, also from the mailbag, some NYE humor:

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ZEN AND THE WISDOM OF LIFE:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. No one is listening until you fart.

5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.

11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

11. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

12. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

13. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .

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"New Year Resolutions 2006"

As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. I have faithfully made such resolutions in the past, and while I haven't been able to keep all of them, I have tried my best to
continue making progress on them year after year. Following is my revised list of . . . "New Year's Resolutions - 2006 Edition":

Resolution #1
2003: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2004: I will not leave Marge.
2005: I will try for reconciliation with Marge.
2006: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

Resolution #2
2003: I will stop looking at other women.
2004: I will not get involved with Wanda.
2005: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.
2006: I will stop looking at other women.

Resolution #3
2003: I will not let my boss push me around.
2004: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2005: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2006: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2003: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2004: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2005: I will read 5 books a year.
2006: I will finish Space.

Resolution #5
2003: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.
2004: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.
2005: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2006: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.

Resolution #6
2003: I will get my weight down below 180.
2004: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2005: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2006: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2003: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2004: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2005: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2006: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2003: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2004: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2005: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2006: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2008.

Resolution #9
2003: I will see my dentist this year.
2004: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2005: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2006: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Resolution #10
2003: I will go to church every Sunday.
2004: I will go to church as often as possible.
2005: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2006: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
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"Words With Two Meanings"

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.....Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.....Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.....The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female.....A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.....An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king- luv) n.
Female.....The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht- kon-trohl) n.
Female......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.
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Kiss and Make Up in 2006

MAKE SOME CHANGES IN 1006

Resolve to work on your emotional intelligence for the New Year and it can help you keep all those other resolutions!

Among a great list of resolutions from msn.com comes this comment from Dr. Ned Hallowell, a psychiatrist in Boston:

"A growing body of evidence shows that nursing a grudge can make you sick. Similar to the stress response, harboring negative thoughts about someone restricts blood flow, decreases oxygen consumption and throws your immune and gastrointestinal system out of whack. You may never forget how your ex dumped you, but you will sleep netter, be more energetic and be happier if you put it behind you."

The article is titled, "Let's Make Out in 2006," and includes the suggestion that you kiss your partner more. This generates the kind of good feelings that combat that stress response.

Here's another great resolution - - avoid baby oil and other impure ingredients found in cosmetics and lotions that can harm you. What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.

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ARBONNE for your health in the New Year. Don't neglect taking care of yourself physically with good nutraceuticals, cosmetics, lotions, and supplements that help you get well and stay well. Try DefenseBuilder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement.

For the full article, go here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10410959/site/newsweek .
Graphics on this blog are royalty free from www.clipart.com unless otherwise noted. Images above are from My Arbonne - - click here to buy products or become a consultant.

A Lullaby for the New Year

THE BEST LULLABIES IN THE WORLD ARE CELTIC

Here's a beautiful site about lamentations, with some poems, writings and audio. The Celtic harp is very soothing.

This is how many feel during this week . . . it's time to say goodbye to another year, some dreams, maybe some other things. It's often a low-energy time, too. We are recovering from all the rigors of Christmas. We're recuping, and preparing for the big burst into the New Year. Get ready, get set, go! Meanwhile, if you feel like cocooning, head your inner wisdom. Put a fire im the fireplace, stroke the cat, take the dog on a nice walk, sit and play with your children quiety . . . just let this time period pass.

Soothing music can be helpful too.

One of the recordings on this lamentations CD is based on the Irish melody "Jail of Clonmel., which is "meant to express the most powerful aspects of being alive, in spite of the losses and challenges we face.

This embrace of the full range of life's gifts is expressed beautifully in the poem 'When Death Comes,' by Mary Oliver:

think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
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Order your nutriceuticals, vitamins, hormone replacement, lotion, baby products, all safely with me ONLINE at My Arbonne. (And why not become a distributor for the New Year. Isn't is about time you got your own online business going??)

Single for the Holidays

Well, we survived Christmas, are in the midst of Hanukkah, and have a really tough one coming up - - New Year's Eve.

Many people, single and married find this a trying holiday. There are different reasons, though I'm not sure anyone really gets quite to the point about it. It just makes me ponder . . . if so many people dislike it, why do we have it? And why would you "celebrate" something you don't like?

Maybe it's too rowdy, too associated with drinking, or rather getting drunk. Many of us just don't like to be around drunk people. We also know, as do the police, that there will be a lot of drunk people driving. That's what the celebration has become to many - - a big drunk.

I know it's frustrating to hostesses, because people tend to show up at 10 pm no matter what time you invite them, like it was an ordeal to get through to midnight and two hours is all they can stand.

One client wrote me about her first New Year's Eve as a divorced woman. She'd been invited to a neighborhood party, which she thought was nice, and then the moment of the "midnight" was "awful" - - everyone reached for their spouse, she was the only single person there. Then some husbands reached for her, and whether it was out of sympathy or interest, that didn't go over so well She said she stayed home for the next 5 New Year's Eve's.

Some of the alternatives in the town where I live would be nice if you like crowds, and aren't concerned about the driving, though I'm afraid you should be. Taxis of course are an alternative for YOU, but not for the others on the road. There's a big fireworks show at Hemisfair Plaza, but driving and parking are a problem.

Our symphony also give a "Night in Old Vienna" with Strauss' walzes which would be lovely were it not, again, for the driving downtown where much of the rowdiness occurs, or the feeder highways into downtown.

So, if you're leery of this occasion you aren't alone. If you feel like settling in with a good book, or taking in an early movie and being home by 10 p.m., you aren't alone.

Send me your ideas and solutions! I'd be interested to hear, and will print them. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

And now on to the New Year.

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Today's guest article, "Anti-Aging - - Look and Feel 10 Years Younger without Drugs and Surgery," is by Chris Chew

Is it possible to look and feel years younger than what you are now without expensive drugs and surgery? Yes, of course you can. Here is how.

. Do Cardio Exercises - When you exercise your cardiovascular system, your heart and lungs get stronger. You will breathe better and oxygen circulates better. You may be able to avoid age related diseases like high blood pressure, stroke and heart problems. Since your blood circulates well, that will put a glow of pink health on your skin and face. And since you are fitter, you won't look tired and haggard. Cardio exercises will also help you to maintain a healthy weight. With low body fat, you will also avoid many age related diseases besides look great and younger.

. Build Muscle - In order to build muscles, you will need to lift weights. Weightlifting with strengthen your bones too and helps prevent other aging diseases like osteoporosis and muscle dystrophy (wasting away of muscles). With cardio exercises, weightlifting and correct eating habits, you will keep your body fat down and owned [sic] an attractive well toned body. This will boost your self esteem and your added confidence will be another look young factor.

. Avoid Direct Sunlight- Always wear at least an SPF 15 sun block when out in the sun even on cloudy days. Sunlight is now known to be one of the main factors of skin aging. Prolong exposure to sunlight will cause wrinkles, skin pigmentation, rough and coarse skin and even skin cancers.

. Vitamins and Antioxidants - Take multi vitamins and antioxidants regularly as a supplement. They will mop up free radicals and improve your general health besides providing better immunity to diseases and great looking skin. [We recommend Arbonne's Defense Builder, Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement and other neutraceuticals, scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system.]

. Sleep - Sleep at least 8 hours a day. More even better. Sleep helps your body to recharge and repair itself from stress and work. Your muscles build up from the exercises you have done during your sleep. Furthermore, with enough rest, you will look fresh and radiant. They don't call it "beauty sleep" for nothing right?

. Water - Drink lots and lots of plain water. It will help flush out toxins and waste products and thereby hydrating your skin for a better glow.

. Say No To Cigarettes and Alcohol - Cigarettes and alcohol are a no no if you want smooth beautiful skin. Cigarettes with its many toxins will speed up the aging process. Wrinkles and fine lines on your face and hands will appear even when you are young. Alcohol will dehydrate your skin and you will have with flaking and dry skin. Combine the two together, you will look much older than you really are. Just do all these anti aging and very soon, you will look years younger without surgery or drugs.

About The Author: Chris Chew is a personal trainer who count fashion models, international pageant winners, actors and other celebrities as his clients. He authored "Burn Fat Build Muscles Fast!" ebooks at http://www.sgfitness.com and runs a health and fitness outfit in Singapore http://www.sgfitnessonline.com
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Give yourself a break with ARBONNE'S anti-aging program.

Merry Christmas!

BEST WISHES FROM SUSAN DUNN AND STAFF FOR A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

The dawning of another Christmas Day. What's it like where you live? How are you feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually?

Here in San Antonio Texas USA it's a perfect day - - crisp and cold with bright sunshine. I was hoping to be able to have a fire in the fireplace, and this is just the day. (It can be 80 in SA at Christmas.) I have a few more things to prepare for the feast, and family is coming over shortly. Then we have taken rooms down at the beautiful La Mansion on the River. The SA River, a great tourist attraction and boon to us locals, is lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree at night, very festive and beautiful.

I feel like I did a reasonable job at Christmas, keeping some balance. I gave gifts I was pleased with, to the people I wanted to remember. They got delivered on time (I checked), and I stayed within my budget. Physically I got the beginning of a sinus infection as I usually do this time of year, because of the cedar pollen. I'm amazed at how well I'm fighting it off though, and think it must be Arbonne's Defense Builder, which has built up my immune system beautifull. I stepped up the vitamin C, got some rest yesterday, and am feeling much better than I thought I might. Mentally, I took a holiday. I just went with the flow. I devoted my mental energy to enjoying the season - - all the beautiful music! I just went with the flow, not keeping to my usual rigorous schedule of writing and reading. I gave my coaching students a week off. Two of them, however, went ahead and took the final last week and are now certified coaches! Monday night I had a session with Kiran, in Mumbai. She and her partner Harry plan to coach EQ in India in a big way, and it's exciting. She was full of questions about our holiday. I was describing the emotional tone of things the week before Christmas, and she said "It sounds electric."

I always think of those who are extra-stressed at this time of year with their jobs, like postal workers, sales people who must meet a year-end quota, restaurant owners and caterers, doctors and ministers, for instance. I met the postman at the mailbox yesterday and I asked him how it was going. He said they'd be working "until the last package is delivered." He looks like Santa, a middle-aged man with a full white beard and a big smile on his face, and "Santa" he is!

I talked with Phillipa who is selling Arbonne. She is training to become an EQ coach, and wanted to offer her clients the full range of help, including the neutraceuticals. She sold over $1000 of product her first month and is excited there's a young man now at her office who's a walking advertisement. He took the Arbonne program for acne, and she said his face is noticeably improved. It's wonderful to be able to offer things that really help people, isn't it.

As I blog, I am listening to my new CD "Ave Maria" by the Russian male soprano Vyatcheslav Kagan-Paley. It has 121 versions of Ave Maria, including the incredible on written by Giullio Caccinin in the 1500s. His favorite, he says, is the Stravinsky version as it is "filled with Russian religious feeling." He dedicated the album to many, ending with "my dear mother Elizabeth."

Won't you please join our Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music?

Well, time to go light the fire in the fireplace and put the last finishings on the house and meal. It will be another great Christmas. They all are, and some of them have been very different from others!

From the mailbag - - how other singles are spending the holidays:

--"Sidney" is visiting his mother and her husband who are 94 and 95 years old and live in an assisted living community in a resort town. He lives in Hawaii and flew in for the holidays. He said his mother was going to cook, and aside from that, he was there to drive her wherever she wanted to go (she only drives to the grocery these days.) There was a poetry reading Thursday night at the center ("A Child's Christmas in Wales", one of my favorites), and he'd been playing pool with his step-father. Friday night took a woman to dinner he'd met through eHarmony. He made plans to play tennis with her after Christmas, as he continues to build a little social network in this adopted town he visits 3 times a year, to see his mom.

--"Hannah" gave her daughter a trip to Africa for Christmas, and has been enjoying the emails about lions and tents. Hannah's having her son-in-law over for Christmas dinner, and had invited her best friend as well, but as so often happens this time of year, Emily is sick. Her son-in-law is from the Middle East and doesn't know US customs or Christmas. Hannah will sure show him all about it!

--"Edward" got divorced in the fall and still hasn't gotten his smile back. He's been a doctor in a small town for 35 years, and will be having Christmas dinner with the family of one of his patients who has 4 little kids. He's looking forward to being in a family environment. Later he plans to enjoy some beautiful music and play the piano.

--"Mabel" is 92 this year. She comes to San Antonio to live with one of her daughters during the winter. The family is gathering, and Mabel is always in charge of the gravy. So many young women (and older!) don't know how to make the gravy, which many of us think makes the meal! and Mabel is needed and appreciated. She's needed and appreciated for many reasons, but on this day, it will be talked about around THE GRAVY.

--"Anne" had a surprise this year. Her son and daughter-in-law made partial plans for Christmas and are driving to be with her, but at the last minute it turned out many things hadn't been done, so she was busy yesterday at the grocery, putting together a quick feast. She says "It's good to be needed," she said, "and I'm at my best under pressure."

--"Maria" is spending Christmas with her large extended family. Christmas Eve at her dad's, and then over to her mother's today, for Christmas day. She's been divorced a couple of years. Her children are still adjusting, and there were some challenges to attend to last week as they did some 'acting out' with school out-of-session. Maria and her boyfriend were planning to get together the week after Christmas for a getaway, but they haven't been getting along so she doesn't know.

--"Sam" is on a cruise. He's just divorced, has no parents, and didn't want to spend Christmas alone. He knew on the cruise he'd be surrounded by people!

--"Delia" is from the Caribbean, and her husband died 3 years ago and it's still pretty raw. She kept busy during the season selling Arbonne and baking Caribbean rum cakes for her many friends. She'll be with her grown kids today.

--"Mary" is breaking up with her boyfriend. They're living in the same house until next week, when he will drive her across the country to get settled in California. When she gave her two-week notice at work, they told her to leave immediately. It's been stressful for her, but today she is with her family in Minnesota. She and her boyfriend both took the StrengthsFinder(r) profile with me last week, and she said she could now see why they were so incompatible. "I didn't realize how differently we think," she said.

Email me (sdunn@susandunn.cc) if you'd like to take this great profile and learn a lot about yourself, and also have a better understanding of how other people think.

Well, one last thing. Your Christmas card from me! Jacquie Lawson has outdone herself with this one. Enjoy this beautiful holiday card or cut and paste: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=TH34293890

It's Christmas and Some of Us Are Not Like the Others

Want to spend Christmas in the ER? Of course not. Introverts (and extoverts) need immune system support during the holidays and winter. Check out the neutraceuticals at ARBONNE. We recommend DefenseBuilder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement - scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system.
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Today's article is by Nancy Fenn, nationally recognized expert on introverts. Introverts make up about 30% of the population in the US, where life is mostly arranged for the convenience and enjoyment of extroverts. If you have any question as to the appropriateness of an activity for introverted children, please email The IntrovertZCoach at nancy@bemyguide.net.

If you're an introvert, or have an introverted partner and/or children, please read this and pass it on.

TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND SOME OF US ARE NOT LIKE THE REST OF US ... How to Care for Your Introverted Kid during a time of year that can be hectic and disturbing to them!
by guest writer and introverts' expert, Nancy Fenn, The IntrovertzCoach. Check out her blog for introverts.

It’s holiday time and we’re all so excited! We can’t wait for get togethers with the family and out of town guests, holiday shopping, cooking, baking and traditions, maybe a visit to Disneyland … tree trimming, carols and New Year’s celebrations with poppers and party hats! What a ball we’re going to have.

Well, some of us, about 70% of us, are going to have a ball. But what about the remainder, the introverts? Introverts make up 30% of the population.

If your child is an introvert, you may actually be torturing him or her with well meaning activities like noisy celebrations, visits to Disneyland, large gatherings of relatives and elaborately staged gift opening routines. Listen to the voices of the introverts I’ve interviewed about “Holiday Time”.

“Disney at the holidays is my biggest nightmare,” said one young introvert. “I’m more afraid of there than of dying, seriously!”

Another commented, “I drive my extroverted husband and daughter crazy. They always insist on surprises … treasure hunts, impromptu visits … God I haaaaaaate that. I just want simple, family oriented celebrations. For them celebrations mean lots of noise and more noise. No! Plus the Disney thing, nooo Disney for me pleeeeeeeeeeease.”

“Holidays?” says another. “I cried and threw up a lot as a kid and now I understand why! Throwing up was a reaction to the stress of just too much stimulus and too much being expected of me in public situations at those times.” An introverted man commented, “Poppers at New Years, augh no! No no no please no. Way too loud and startling. In an ideal world, none would be allowed in a one mile radius of me. Party hats maybe. If people aren't waving them around and cluttering everything up with them they are borderline tolerable, but still distracting and stressful. ”

SAY YES TO SOFT LIGHTS, MUSIC AND TIME TO ENJOY

Another guy volunteered,” Small family gathering is about all I can take. Disney and theme places, oh my gosh. No. Just no. I'm sorry. No, no, no. ! And actually, ideally, maybe not even family either. Ha!”

These introverted adults are able to pick and choose among holiday options and expectations but children are not. Most holiday activities are planned for extroverted children. According to Paul Tieger of PersonalityType.com, extroverted children love jumping into new social situations. They are energized by interaction, love variety and activities and enjoy talking spontaneously (without thinking), yelling, etc.

Introverted children on the other hand like to watch from the idelines. They are energized by having a chance to reflect on things alone (in a room with a door that shuts). They like to concentrate on one thing or person at a time. And they need to think it through before they speak.



say yes to wrapping presents



say no to opening presents with an audience and much drama!

How can you improve on your introverted child’s experience of the holidays? Here are some guidelines for introverted children.

TOP TEN WAYS
TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR INTROVERTED CHILD
AT THE HOLIDAYS

1. Keep social activities to an absolute minimum.

2. Rehearse required social behavior carefully. Introverts are easily humiliated in public. Good byes, hellos, thanks yous and handshakes should be reviewed at home first. Include a few simple words your child can use and leave it at that … such as “Thank you for the nice time, Mrs. Jackson.”

3. Limit noise and lights where possible.

4. Limit size of gatherings.

5. Avoid uncomfortable clothing.

6. Avoid putting child in spotlight for “present opening”.

7. Allow breaks in activities so your child can retreat to a safe place for contemplation and recharging batteries. [Hint: Ask them to walk the dog or throw out the package wrapping trash or maybe peel the oranges for the ambrosia desert later that evening.]

8. Introverts are intensely territorial. If humanly possible, please don’t kick them out of their own room or bed for Aunt Sally or Grandmother Mabel.

9. Introverts are territorial about their own physical space, too. If you can possibly arrange for relatives to look and not touch, that would be very nice. Hugs and smooches are not welcomed by introverted children.

10. Make watching from the sidelines perfectly OK. It is the preferred way for introverts to participate.

This year enjoy your holidays more knowing that your introverted child is comfortable, too. Follow the TOP TEN GUIDELINES for introverted children.



please say no to performances door to door

INSTEAD, SAY YES TO ...



say yes to cooking quietly with granma, parent and sibling

If you have any question as to the appropriateness of an activity for introverted children, please email The IntrovertZCoach at nancy@bemyguide.net.

© nancy r. fenn

What to Do "Alone" at Christmas

Got some time on your hands. These ideas come from today's mailbag:

1. I planned an evening just for me. Our local radio station was playing "Tristan und Isolde" (the opera). I came home from work and got on my jams. Took a nice warm bath first. Got out my knitting, and a nice glass of wine, put a fire on, and listened for all four hours.

2. Am going to volunteer to serve dinner at homeless shelter. Will make me feel so good to help others.

3. Studying for finals this weekend. I may watch a Christmas special on TV, and am going to hotel for buffet dinner.

4. Fixing dinner for my room-mate and my daughter's husband. My daughter is away on a trip. Just the usual turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and green peas. Something special for dessert - that'll keep me busy in the kitchen on Christmas Eve.

5. Church service Christmas Eve. My Sunday School class wil sit together. May of us are single. Christmas Day I'm taking my dog for a walk in the park, kind of hiking. Enjoy nature.

6. Crying a lot because i miss him, but it won't last much longer. This Christmas i'm just going to pass on it, and i'm sure next year will be easier. maybe i'll even have a new love by then. thanks for your coaching.
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GETTING OVER A BREAKUP AT THE HOLIDAYS

"Feel those Feelings,"
Article by guest write Michael Myerscough

Lately I've had a run of clients having a very hard time getting over the end of a relationship. Coincidentally I'm also in the January edition of Psychologies magazine in an article called 'What becomes of the broken hearted?' Getting over a
relationship can be especially difficult as the holidays roll up so let me share some secrets with you about how to heal. If you're not dealing with a break up currently, but you know someone who is, maybe forwarding this ezine on will help them.

I have a client called Dorothy who's struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she'd initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that yet again she was going to
have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.

The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process. If you're already sick of feeling bad then feel free to skip to the next phase which I outline here:

http://www.therelationshipgym.com/how_to_get_over_a_break_up.htm

Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and
loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a 'Grief' letter to her ex.

To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren't going to miss. What are you angry about? What are you sad about? What do you fear this break up means? What was your part in the break up? What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?

This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it's great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again. It's important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.

Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you'd rather they weren't. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.

It's really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will harden your heart due to the pain and disappointment. That hardening makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.

If you do this properly you'll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you've parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you've loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it's very valuable work.

This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it's a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she
could become lost in the feelings or she'd never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you're feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.

The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you're going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.

Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn't so scary and from this place she's in a much better position to think about who she'd actually like to make a part of her life. When it comes to Finding Mr. Right the first step is to clear up what's gone on in the past so you can be free of it. Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tips on getting over a breakup

For the next steps in healing a broken heart visit
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/how_to_get_over_a_break_up.htm

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
© Copyright 2005 The Relationship Gym by Michael Myerscough. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success
coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him at http://www.therelationshipgym.com/ and sign up for the fr*ee
relationship information. "
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NutriMinCRE9 System from ARBONNE - -among the many anti-aging products available for you at Arbonne.

Now you can shop with me safely online at My Arbonne and find great products with natural and pure ingredients that really work. Start building your immune system now with DefenseBuilder.

Single for the Holidays?

IS THIS YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS ALONE?

Well here's a great quote for you from Picasso:

"I AM ALWAYS DOING THAT WHICH I CANNOT DO, IN ORDER THAT I MAY LEARN HOW TO DO IT."

If this is your first Christmas "alone" after having been married for many years, I know how hard it can be. It's like being on another planet. We don't realize how entwined we are with a partner, in all ways, even if we weren't getting along, until there's a breakup. You may have really no idea how to spend Christmas alone, or what to do.

You may also lack the emotional and mental energy to put something together. You may want to just cancel Christmas and spend the day reading or hiking or something. That's ok. There' no one judging this, hopefully most of all, not YOU.

You see it takes mental and emotional energy - - emotional intelligence - - to create something, and what you have to do is create a new kind of Christmas, after years of maybe doing the same things with the same person or people.

Typically when we divorce, we lose a "family" as well. With the death of a spouse, it may be different in that respect, but still, things are not the same.

If you're still raw emotionally, and heart broken, you have to stay with the feelings, and your real friends will understand. You just may not be able to participate in Christmas at this time.

If you are farther along in your healing, or feel like moving ahead, it's an ideal time to learn to deal with the changes. Your friends and loved ones can help you!

In fact I overheard a wonderful conversation at a restaurant the other night. Two women were dining, and one was saying to the other, "Yes, I know you miss him, but you still need friends. No matter what happens, you need friends. Please come to this party."

I hope the other woman decided to. She looked about 70 and had lost her husband, and her friend was encouraging her to do one of the most important things we can do at such a time - - stay connected. It keeps you from getting too much into the downside of things!

If you don't feel like being with old friends, because of memories, or have lost part of your social network through a divorce, you can be around people by participating in a church, or doing volunteer work at the holidays. Whatever works for you.
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Music can be very healing at this time, and we invite you to join our active and dedicated CLUB VIVO PER LEI / I LIVE FOR MUSIC. We listened to the Met's broadcast of Rigoletto this past Saturday - - many of us being on car trips, a great time to listen to an opera. The commentarty was just marvelous, all about Verdi's theme of father and daughter, the Austrian occupation of northern Italy at the time, and the problem with the censors. Fascinating, and it added so much to the experience and enjoyment of the opera.
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Need some healing crytals for the New Year? Nancy Fenn's offering a great special - - check it out HERE.

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Are you taking care of your health? There are two times I've noticed when clients tend to get sick. Well winter of course, but then when they've just started a new serious romance, and when they've ended one. These are very stressful times that take their toll on our immune system. Did you know that emotions directly effect the immune system?

Our immune system is our FIRST line of defense against bacteria, and our ONLY line of defense against viruses. (It's true. Ask your doctor.) We recommend a heart regimen of neutraceuticals from ARBONNE. DefenseBuilder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement are scientifically proven to nutritionally support the immune system. Get on them NOW and stay well. You may do OK, but other people who don't take care of themselves will be sick and will be around you with their germs, so at this vulnerable time, it's best to get on a strict health regime. You can show safely with me online at My Arbonne. Email me if you need help!
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I AM AVAILABLE FOR SPOT COACHING CALLS. One session is fine, and often is all it takes. If you need a call please email me to set a time - sdunn@susandunn.cc . It could be just the thing! I work night and weekends, for your convenience.

Music Yourself for the Holidays!

SWEETS TO THE SWEET

A good way to enjoy the holidays when you're not partnered is with music. We have access to some of the most beautiful music in the world at this time.

This season I've enjoyed "The Nutcracker" with a friend, and then went alone to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, because I couldn't find anyone else intereste in going. Guess what? It was held at our SBC Center (where the San Antonio Spurs play) and (1) It was the first time the SBC Center has ever SOLD OUT and (2) It was the largest audience the Trans-Siberian Orchester has ever played to. GO SAN ANTONIO! It was a fun event. The audience liked the rock version of "Nutcracker" best of all. The light show was amazing, the singers wonderful. Like an opera, the story made little sense and was just thematic. The individual presentations were amazing. My fav. was the young male guitar player with the big, big smile and mane of golden hair. I think the guys liked the female first violinist best with her long black hair, fit body, and black spandez bicycle pants!

MUSIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOU

Here's a great list (non-affiliated) for mid-range and budget recordings that are recommended.

Click HERE to join Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music, and learn more to increase your enjoyment year round.

The Met's radio opera schedule - - Saturdays at 12:30 p.m. CST.

Check in HERE for the upcoming televised operas from the Met.

Club Vivo members enjoyed Rigoletto this weekend. I was all set to listen to it at the perfect time - - I was driving 2 hours to meet my son, who was driving from Dallas, to give me my grand-daughter for the weekend. Unfortunately, radio contact went out after the first act. I can't believe Austin doesn't have a PBS station, but I searched the entire dial. I was so diappointed!!!

Enjoy your Christmas! It's your decision and choice as to how you spend it, and how you react to it.
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Go HERE for healing crystals for 2006 - - for love, wealth, health and happiness. This is a great deal you don't want to pass up.
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Watch out for dating at this time. All accounts continue that the men are going buts and madly seeking on the Internet. If you're a guy, take it easy. Christmas will pass and, alone or not, you'll survive. If you're a woman, I'd pass on the passes at this time and wait till things cool down after the holidays.

As a famous actress once said, "It was so cold that winter I almost got married." None of us wants to get into something like that, with someone like that, yes?
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Take time now to TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH with ARBONNE. Now you can shop safely online with me at My Arbonne. Take the neutraceuticals now, like Defense Builder and Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement. I've been taking these and some others (email me for list), and haven't been sick in ages. It's wonderful.

At this time of year with the bacteria and viruses, people overdoing, bad allergy problems in many areas, and people around you sick and spreading their germs - - your first line of defense against bacteria is your immune system, and your ONLY LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST VIRUSES, like flu, and bird flu, IS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. Bolster if NOW with ARBONNE. Pure, natural ingredients. Cosmetics, shaving cream. The perfect gift.
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all images on this blog unless otherwise noted are royalty free from www.clipart.com.

It's Christmas - - Step Lightly

ARE YOU A TIRED ANGEL?

I was talking to a woman today who told me she'd decided to break up with her boyfriend and was going to call him right away and tell him.

My advice - - I wouldn't make any decision or do anything from now until after Christmas, because of the emotional energy. We're all either:

--frazzled or numb;
--frantically busy or have given up and are sitting and staring;
--overjoyed or overgrieved;
--eating everything in sight, or refusing to eat anything in a desperate attempt to stem the tide;
--being Father Christmas, or Scrooge;
--hemorraging money or have put a tourniquet on it and won't spend a cent;
--working overtime (churches, therapists, physicians, jewelers and retailers, airport personnel, florists) or have nothing to do (most attorneys, dentists, weight loss clinics, car dealers, and those who do elective surgery);
--sick, or taking care of someone who's sick;
--feel like there are "too many" people in your life, or you're "totally alone"

In other words, it's the rare person who's coasting along and "stable". The majority of us are a bit strung out and it's no time to decide whether to marry him or not or what to do about your career or mother-in-law.

As one wise and over-worked young male friend of mine said, "I have planned a Christmas guaranteed to please no one," when in fact, like most of us, he was pleasing some people some of the time, including himself, and ... doing the best he can under the circumstances.

We are all doing the best we can under the circumstances, even when clearly are not.

Most of us in the US are also coping with a rising level of dissension re: "Christmas" and "the holidays" that makes whatever this season is to you far from the "peace and joy" it's supposed to be, which is sad.

And, it's that time of year when you long for home, even when you're home ... if you know what I mean. Just a very emotional time - - whether you're dealing with it by expressing it or stuffing it down and trying to ignore it (in which case you're likely to get a big backlash!)

So, please take a moment to enjoy this wonderful card from Jacquie Lawson, and STEP LIGHTLY!

This is Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Merlitons from "The Nutcracker Suite" which many of us have enjoyed or will, as part of the Christmas season, and we've been studying this in Club Vivo Per Lei.

If you live for music, join our Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music! Music can be wonderfully therapeutic with many proven health benefits. It goes straight to the pleasure center, and for many people is the truest form of joy and relaxation.

GUARD YOUR HEALTH!

And please bolster your immune system against the ravages of December, January and February, which brings flu, viruses, bacterial infections such as pneumonia, and SAD - - seasonal affective disorder and depression. We eat wrong, do too much, stress out, try and fend off allergies, don't get enough sunlight, forget to exercise and miss our outdoor sports (in the northern hemisphere), and are around other people and their germs!

(Did you know that the telephone in your office, or your desk or anyone else's, has more germs per sq. inch than the toilet in the office restroom??) (cite: Clorox study)

ARBONNE'S DEFENSE BUILDER and GET WELL SOON DIETARY SUPPLEMENT are scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system. Particularly important if you're vulnerable - old, young, chronically ill, depressed, stressed, or around sick people.

Your immune system is your FIRST line of defense against bacteria, and your ONLY line of defense against viruses, like flu and bird flu. Ask your doctor.

Now you can shop with me online at My Arbonne.

Do Opposties Attract?

Do Opposites Really Attract?
by guest writer, Alan Stafford

You've heard the saying,"opposites attract". Many people believe that finding a mate who is your opposite is like touching two electrical wires together. Sparks fly and things really heat up. The very idea is exciting: you zig, he zags. He is everything you are not, and vice versa. So, is it true that to find your life partner you should "find your opposite"? Unfortunately, the answer is "no".

The reality is that opposites do attract, but they rarely stay together. If they do manage to stay married, the relationship is usually fitful and argumentative. Dating someone who is very different - someone who may have characteristics you wish you had - may be very exciting. But this excitement won't last long, and it won't be a good foundation for a happy marriage. Ditch diggers don't do well with doctors, social types aren't happy with homebodies, and spendthrifts are always at odds with pinchpennys.

Study after study has shown that happily married couples have far more in common than they have differences. If you want the best chance of having a long and happy marriage, marry someone who's similar to you.

Just because opposites tend not to stay together, however, it doesn't mean you have to marry your clone to be happy. Your soul mate is not someone who is identical to you. In fact, if the two of you think and act the same in every way, you'll probably soon get bored with each other.

Here's the secret to a long and happy marriage: marry someone who is complementary. That is, someone who has characteristics you don't have but admire. That person is different enough to be interesting, but is not truly your opposite. If you marry such a person, you'll avoid a lot of conflicts and marriage problems that may otherwise ruin your relationship.

The Surveys' Results

When committed couples were surveyed for degree of similarity/dissimilarity here were the results:

Physical Beauty: people tend to mate with people who are generally considered the same degree of attractiveness. Beauty rarely marries ugly. A large difference in attractiveness may cause serious problems later in marriage.

Education: successful couples generally match up well in educational levels. However, Phd's have marriage problems, too. What really seems to matter is not educational levels (grade levels or degrees) but intelligence. People tend to marry and stay married to people with similar IQ's.

Class: yes, there are classes in America. Upper class people rarely marry people from the other side of the tracks. Country club types marry country club types. Ivy Leaguers marry Ivy Leaguers. The prince marrying the peasant girl is truly a fairy tale.

Religion: quite often people from different religions marry, but the couples who stay together and are happy together generally agree about most spiritual matters. So, here's another compatibility tip: discussing religion and spiritual beliefs before the wedding will save you a lot of marriage problems.

Money: When rich marries poor, the marriage is over either when the money runs out, or when the wealthy partner does.

Family/Children: to a very high degree, happy couples are in agreement about whether to have children, or how many to have.

So, happy couples in successful long-term relationships are not carbon copies of each other. Neither are they clones or mirror images. It's the differences between partners that make the marriage interesting. But, when it comes to the major issues in a relationship, happily married couples are generally at a high level of agreement.

Take a look at your own relationship. Before you make any major commitments, be sure that you and your partner are in agreement over the big things. Then, viva la difference!

Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach: I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Go here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issue:
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm .
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Let me help you find the man or woman of your dreams. Building the relationship can only begin once you've found them. I've studied this intensively and have come up with a simple, effective program that tells you the unwritten rules of dating for marriage. It is also EQ-centered, for lasting results. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information.
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Shop with me online at MY ARBONNE

Victory over Depression

LOOKING FOR A STAR TO WISH ON?

"Victory Over Depression Series: Letting go of your pain,"
Guest writer: Sharon Lowell

Letting go

I'd like to throw out the question to us both "what do we needlessly hold on to?"

Interesting question, isn't it? This question seems simple on the surface to answer, but upon investigation into the deepest secret parts of our minds, and that being extremely complex. I desperately hung on to guilt, hurt, rage, disappointment and especially pity for years and years and years.

I'd like to explain my own personal reasons for doing this, with the hope that maybe a light will pop on inside your mind, helping you uncover reasons for clinging to your pain.

First of all, I felt that the horror of the experiences that led to all my negative torment deserved the reverence of me for ever paying "homage" to my consequential
suffering.

If I didn't stroke and nurture the pain that resulted from living through my hell -- who would? In my mind, no one else cared! So, I would carry the torch -- and live
forever in remembrance of my agony - I was determined to take care of it. If I just let it all go, it would have been like admitting that what happened to me was okay, it doesn't matter, no big deal, forget about it!"

Well, everything that happened is not okay, and will never be okay! What people did to me does matter, is a big deal -- and I certainly won't ever forget about it! So, with a strong and determined protective, obsessive attitude, I kept all these promises to myself, and I "honored" my agony 24/7.

Unfortunately, this mindset eventually took on a life of its own. It gained momentum and power, and led me steadily down the path of nothing short of death. All I could see was the dark, critical, vicious side to life. Simple pleasures did not exist for me, and I became intolerably moody and angry. I trusted nothing and no one. My attitude towards everything became more and more sarcastic and miserable. The heaviness took its toll on my mind, body and spirit -- until I craved actual physical death.

I find this very difficult to write about, and actually become literally heavy in my head, eyes and body when I revisit these thoughts and past lifestyle. The good news
is, however, that because of the grace and patience of God, and the tiny spark left with the need to find healing -- that healing is what I did ultimately attain.

My life changed forever when I finally adopted two very simple, but hard to learn philosophies:

. Honor the traumatic memories by learning from them, instead of living inside them. I understand completely the need to show respect and reverence for our times of horror, but we can transfer this reverence into knowledge and understanding. The lessons permanently learned from our times of agony will provide potent influence we can apply to future choices that will have to be made. The knowledge and understanding that comes from torment is ultimately a powerful gift that allows us to find maturity, compassion for others, and certain joy in our future.

. Reassign new positive associations and meaning to your hurtful memories. Almost always, in any bad situation, we can acknowledge the love and caring we put out there to others, which is always precious and of great value in the eyes of the Lord. Even if our love was responded to eventually with hate or betrayal, our love, concern and generosity of spirit needs to be seen as precious wonderful priceless, and worthy of great praise. Honor your goodness in mind body and spirit, and virtue in motive, regardless of how the situation turned out. Own responsibility for the mistakes you made, but feel compassion for yourself, as opposed to self pity.

These points, as well as many others which I cover in my audio e-book; "A Path To Healing", helped me after a long time of meditation, searching and honest evaluation of all the details surrounding my times of suffering, to find a way back to joy, self understanding, love and humble beautiful new beginnings.

I pray the same for you.

About the Author: Sharon has found her way from debilitating suicidal depression to a new life of joy. Her passion now is helping others who suffer for the devastating affects of depression and anxiety through her new audio e-book; "A Path to Healing" at http://www.apathtohealing.com
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ARBONNE neutraceuticals can help with your attitude, mood, and emotions, because emotional and physical health are inextricably intertwined. The usual treatment for depresssion combines several of these elements - - therapy, coaching, exercise, nutrition, and ... time. There's no guarantee "time will heal," as Sharon says. If you're determined to be depressed, that can be achieved. If you want to take the long road back, that can be achieved as well. Explore every possibility. Read my ebook, "Depression: The Journey Within," in which we take an EQ look at depression.

Try ARBONNE'S DEFENSE_BUILDER and GET WELL SOON DIETARY SUPPLEMENT. Also use their line of cosmetics and lotions, because they're pure, natural ingredients and what you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream Enough toxins already!

Shop with me online at My Arbonne. Sign up there, too, to become a consultant. Help others and make passive revenue.

Divorced and Dejected at the Holidays?

Divorced and Dejected? 5 Powerful Reasons to be Proud of Yourself, by guest writer, the Flaming Life Coach

A painful divorce usually leaves people at the end of their tether.

This is understandable, considering the amount of energy that goes into making concessions, holding it together and completely miss-managing your emotions.

Every life changes, wanted or unwanted ultimately play a "roller coaster" on our emotions.

For the majority of people, ending a marriage is a huge step. Thus most people would rather remain in an unhappy marriage than leave.

If however, you find the courage to let go of an unhappy marriage or are forced into doing so, the following reasons can help remount your morale quickly.

1. You can have compassion for yourself. I'm convinced that when you got married, your intention wasn't to divorce at anytime.

Your primary reason for getting married was to share your life happily with your chosen partner. Even it didn't turn out that way.

None of us has all the answers or control over our lives, least of all, over the lives of others.

We can only learn to accept what we cannot change. When you made your vows, you alone knew what it meant to you at the time.

2. You can stop feeling like a failure, because you're not! Life is about learning and growing.

Don't get intimidated by statistics quota and let go of the image of fitting into a model.

You possess all the capabilities to create a great life for yourself even after a divorce! And don't you believe otherwise.

Failure only occurs if you give up on yourself. If you're still hurting, give yourself time to heal. Learn to forgive yourself and move on when you feel ready.

3. You can start celebrating your success as a free and wholesome individual.

As beautiful and fulfilling a great marriage can be, you don't require someone else to make you complete.

I once pointed out to a client that his wife leaving him could be exactly what he needed. This could get him to start thinking about his own needs and taking charge of his own life.

Sometimes people get sucked into their marriage and completely lose sight of their own identity. I am not saying that you shouldn't commit to your marriage.

Think about this for a moment: you had an identity before you got married and you still had that identity after marriage, so why give it up?

You owe it to yourself and deserve to evolve to your best possibility in your own time.

Sadly enough, most couples seem to forget this. Especially those who marry very young.

4. You can give yourself some credit for facing up to the truth and ending what was no longer fulfilling to you or your partner.

It requires true honesty and courage to "pull out the plug," face your chagrin and be consequent.

There are a number of people living in unfulfilling marriages, as a result of fear of being alone.

Evidences also show that some people remain in their marriage for circumstantial reasons or based on mutual arrangements.

Pat yourself on the back and feel proud of being strong enough to stand on your own. You now have a great time ahead of you. A time to get re-acquainted with YOU and your
needs.

5. You can be determined to see this new phase as a time of "becoming".

Envisage your future as an opportunity to examine other exciting areas of life.

Have a sense of purpose and focus on making the best use of this period.

How many times have you taken a decision in the past quite uncertain about its outcome? Only to realize later on that it was one of your best decisions ever. This could be one of those times.

Who knows, you might even discover new values deeply hidden within you.

As you can see, viewing your divorce from the right right perspective is essential for your inner healing. This can help you let go of guilt and self persecution. The sooner you can begin to perceive yourself as someone of worth, the quicker you can relinquish the past. Thereby you can focus fully in the present to create a more fulfilling life.

About the Author: Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life
Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition, turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change and Grow at: http://www.embracingchanges.com/Books-and-Tools-to-facilitat e-Changes.html or: mailto: kunbi@embracingchanges.com
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Bolster your immune system with ARBONNE NEUTRACEUTICALS. This is the time of year when everyone gets sicks, so you're bombarded with germs, plus you 're probably eating wrong, staying up to late, doing too much, stressed, and on a roller coaster So give yourself a break. Try DefenseBuilder of Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement. TO YOUR HEALTH.

Shop with me online at MyArbonne. You'll be glad you did.
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Healthy Eating for the Holidays

We singles are always watching out nutrition, yes? It's for sure we can't enjoy emotional health if we let our physical health decline. With all the emotional turmoil of the holidays, remember your exercise routine, and get those healthy foods. Also, we recommend you add a good neutraceutical especially at this time of year. Try ARBONNE's DefenseBuilder or Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement. Scientifically proven to nutritionally support your immune system.
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Here are some tips about holiday eating that's good for you. It was sent to me by email, so I don't know whom to credit.

HEALTHY EATING FOR THE HOLIDAYS

With all the focus on how not to gain weight, and what not to eat over the
holidays, the wonderful nutrition in holiday foods often gets overlooked. If
you want to celebrate all the healthy reasons to eat this holiday, take a
look below to see the cornucopia of nutritional goodies our traditional
foods bring to the table.

1. Pumpkin: Pumpkin is a remarkably healthy ingredient, providing 3 1/2
times the recommended daily allowance of vitamin A and a lot of fiber per
half-cup serving. Pureed pumpkin lends itself to healthy cooking. It can,
like applesauce and prune puree, replace fat in baked goods without giving
them a rubbery texture.

2. Roast Turkey: Serve up three ounces of skinless turkey breast and you get
a whopping 20 grams of protein with practically no fat. All that and only
100 calories. Plus you fill 25 percent of your daily need for niacin and
vitamin B6.

3. Sweet Potatoes: Ounce for ounce, they have as much beta-carotene as
carrots. A mere four ounces contain 50 percent of your daily requirement of
vitamin C, as much potassium as a banana and a good amount of fiber. All
this adds up to one terrific disease-fighting food!

4. Cranberry Relish: There's a substance in cranberries that helps prevent
urinary tract infections by interfering with the ability of bacteria to
adhere to cell membranes. Cranberries also contain a potentially
cancer-preventing compound called ellagic acid. Make a fresh
orange-cranberry relish and get added benefit from the vitamin C in oranges.

5. Potatoes: Whether mashed or in latkes, potatoes are good food. They
contain loads of vitamin C and potassium, plus fiber, iron, copper and
plenty of B vitamins. Boiling potatoes will destroy some of the vitamin C
and dissolve some of the rest of it into the cooking water. To help preserve
the vitamin C content, use some of the cooking water instead of milk or
cream when mashing them.

6. Figgy Pudding: Figs help make the pudding a nutritional gold mine. They
are a good source of potassium, calcium, magnesium and niacin, plus they
have a natural laxative effect.

7. Eggnog: Choose only the low-fat variety and enjoy a holiday tradition
while getting a good amount of protein and some calcium. (Just be sure not
to drink too much, since there's still lots of sugar and calories in even
the low-fat version.)

And if you're going to make cookies, try this favorite recipe of mine. I think it kept us all healthy last year. It's just LOADED with oranges and lemon, skin included. Grating the peel, you get this intoxicating SPRAY of orange zest. Yum!

SUSAN'S ORANGE COOKIES

2 c. sugar
1 c. shortening
2 eggs
1 c. milk
4 c. flour
2 t. baking powder
1 t. soda
juice and grated rind of 1 orange

Blend sugar, shortening and eggs. Add milk. Combine dry ingredients and add. Add juice and rind. Drop by t. on greased sheet. Bake 8-10 mins. at 350.

ICING (a must!)

grated rind of 1 orange
3 T. orange juice
1 T. melon juice
1 T. butter
Powdered sugar to desired consistency, about 1 lb. Drizzel heavily over top.

Enjoy! To your health!

Getting Your Man Onto the Playing Field of Love

Today we have some interesting thoughts from Jaci Rae author of “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time”, a great book for guys to read (and women too!)

COMMENTS:
Richard Leiby-The Washington Post: "’Winning Points with the Women in your Life…,’ is sure to drive football loving men right into their end zones!"

Athletic Business: "’Winning Points’ helps improve relationship skills – by using football plays, scrimmage strategies and tactical maneuvers as analogies…"

GETTING YOUR MAN ONTO THE PLAYING FIELD OF LOVE
Guest Article by Jaci Rae

So you've made it into the stadium and you are now stepping onto the playing field for your first day of practice with the Dallas Cowboys. Nervous excitement courses through your veins as the coach talks about the various formations he is going to run the team through and begins to discuss the different play calls and strategies he will be using during this season's games.

While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within the realm of football common sense and comes easily to you, there are a few nuances in the game plan that you will be unfamiliar with. Also, some of the plays are new to you and could cause complications and confusion in the season ahead if you don't understand them.

A team's language will guide you in how to interact and communicate with your teammates on the playing field. This language that each player must learn is full of individual components, called the "plays." For each "play," there is a "plan." Each of these "plays" and "plans" has been specially formulated through years of research and scientific study, producing entire systems of proven techniques that can make winners out of the players and teams.

Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered together and worked into a playbook for each team to base its "plays" and "plans" on. It is that playbook that each teammate must learn in order to be part of the winning team. This process is much the same as that of the "plays" and "plans" of a relationship. You need to read the manual, learn from those who are already where you want to be in their relationships and listen actively to your partner in order to learn how to speak their language. Once you learn this language, you can enter the game confidently and achieve victory!

A woman's perception of her relationship, as well as the language she uses within a relationship may seem very complicated, and sometimes confusing. You may find particular things in her language syntax that are hard to understand and certainly difficult to interpret! And as if that weren't enough, many women have a tendency to turn over and over in their heads most of what is said to them, finding more than what may actually be there.

While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing things, women try to find out what's behind the words they see and hear when dealing with their loved ones. This process is intuitively part of their naturally protective circuitry, helping them emotionally guard themselves and their loved ones. Have you ever heard the statement, "You don't want to mess with Mother Bear?" This applies here because women are built as nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about their environment, in order to help them protect themselves and those they love from perceived dangers.

This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the "need to know" gene. Women have the "need to know" or to discover all the "information" about their surroundings and then make judgment calls as to any dangers that may affect those they love. This of course, can lead to any number of natural responses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings and an inherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Because curiosity (analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tends to bleed over into other areas of their lives, namely their relationships.

In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women may often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they don't intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in a good way) with their spoken language. What men say is most often what they mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to include hidden messages behind their words? In the same way that women tend to over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hidden meaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this can be partially found by looking at the traditional upbringing and social history of women.

Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that they need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They are also told that they need to be assertive and independent in order to succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires for their future.

In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is much different. Society in general, sees images of successful women on television and in the movies that are more demure and non-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire.

The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the man of her dreams, may have played it "coy," playing off on her seeming "need" for the man. The media image presented is often in direct conflict with the way that a woman may have been raised. Because of these two conflicting images, women have now received mixed messages and are subjected to confusing images about the way they should behave in society. On top of this, women see the men around them as being intrigued and often fascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may not always interconnect with the ideals and values that they, as women, were brought up with.

Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves and may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same time. As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their true feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all the while struggling to achieve the final goal of communicating their needs or "message" to those that participate in their lives.

Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and react to each other as well as how we communicate with other people. Another huge factor in our character make-up is the individual chemistry that everyone is born with. While much has been said about how different the sexes are, how much do we actually know? The facts show that men and women are conceived equally in terms of their overall intelligence.

However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of pregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over the brain of a male baby. i This wash does not take place during the formation of a female baby. Let's take a look at how the brain works and try to understand why this is so important.

Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the brain to manufacture and create serotonin, which is an important neurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells in the brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can also act as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both an exciter and an inhibitor. Serotonin affects the brain's interior, known as the ganglia.

The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided into two cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe that one of these cells makes serotonin and the other produces dopamine.

Dopamine is "a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain and is essential to the normal functioning of the central nervous system. ii" Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the ganglia, thereby causing a calming effect and dampening activity.

It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance between the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the amount of serotonin and dopamine that the brain's network will use. This also determines how spatially or temporally aware a person is, with men being born more spatially aware and women more temporally aware. A person who is spatially aware is generally a “left-brain” individual and someone who is temporally aware, is generally a “right-brain” individual.

The word "spatial" is defined as "relating to space." As men are generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better at judging distances, which comes in handy during parallel parking! The word "temporal," meanwhile, is defined as being "of or limited by time.” This may explain why women seem to be able to associate time and events without much difficulty.

You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing that really bothers men about women -- she remembers everything she thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believe this is due in part because of a woman's propensity for temporal awareness.

Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more "left- brain" oriented and women rely more readily on the "right-brain." "Left-brain" individuals tend to be more interested in facts, inclined to logic and reason. They are more motivated in providing for the home and usually more interested in becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist. These are just a few career choices that a "left-brain" individual might make.

A "right-brain" individual tends to be better at, and more interested in, developing relationships and dealing with emotional issues. They are more inclined to emotions and passions and are generally more motivated by investing in the relationships of the home. Their career choices tend to put them in the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they can use their artistic, investigative and research abilities.

This is in contrast to the general tendencies of "left-brained" individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to be revealed when we look at the differences between the sexes in this light. Most men might find a leisurely reading of Popular Mechanics or Programmer's Security Desk Reference fundamentally more interesting than reading Ladies’ Home Journal or Parent Child Magazine, while women are just the opposite.

This is simply a matter of one's interest and NOT an intellectual issue, as both men and women can be motivated for various reasons to read on all the subjects mentioned. Remember that both sexes are born equally in terms of intelligence.

My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see women's thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I thought that this insight was a great example of men conquering and women looking for sequence and order before they tackle the matter at hand.

Here's what he had to say: "Men rule by action. Women rule by committee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees hill, forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee, votes for hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rain fall charts, does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts, and much, much, much, much later... finally climbs the hill."

The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition at birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that we are taught as we move through our daily lives and the personal choices we make along the way will also be determining factors in how "left-brain" or "right-brain" we become. These factors will also directly affect our communication with and relationship to others.

The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make personal choices, we can learn to hear and understand each other's language when we step onto the playing field to begin practice! "Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands." Psalms 119:73

Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will need to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice if you want to make it to your first game. Copyright © 2005 Jaci Rae and North Shore Records, Inc. For more information about Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time, go to: www.winningpoints.net or simonsays.com. Winning Points is available at stores around the world as well as online

Jaci Rae is the #1 Best Selling author of “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time” and “The Indie Guide To Music Success” ISBN 978-0-9746229-4-1 as well as the host of the Jaci Rae show. Dubbed by the media as "Racy Jaci" because of her quick wit and "The Rae of Hope," for her powerful insight, please make sure to check her out at: http://www.jacirae.com to listen to Jaci’s popular show, where she has some of the top behind the scenes guests teaching about the music industry on, go to: www.jacirae.com and click on the weekly show link.

That Crazy Christmas Energy

THE ENERGY LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS, HANNUKAH, "THE HOLIDAYS" IS ALWAYS TURBULENT, and this year appears to be no exception. All around me I'm hearing couples having rocky times. People trying to break up, wanting to break up, hoping they don't get 'broken up,' etc. and some who have made the decision to leave and are thrashing around about how, when, and ... ug.

Whatever you say about it, I don't know anyone who goes into a relationship hoping it WILL break up, so there you have it.

There's something to be said for the art of knowing how to break up, because all but the last relationship you're in, there will be "breaking up." sigh. (You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.)

So, today we offer a guest article on THE ART OF ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP. It's a nice article, though breaking up is never easy. BTW, take our Breakin Up Survey and let us know how you feel, and what advice you have to give.

How to End a Relationship: Your Dating Exit StrategyCopyright © 2005 Alan Stafford, All Rights Reserved

Ending a relationship is rarely a mutual decision. In almost every case, one partner wants to end the relationship; the other partner does not. And sometimes, the doomed relationship continues longer than it should because the leaving partner does not know a graceful way to end the relationship.

What if you are the partner wanting to break up? You could stay in the relationship to avoid hurting the feelings of your partner. Or you could stay with him or her out of a pity. But this staying when you want to leave creates an unhealthy relationship. It is unfair to him, and it is really unfair to you. If the relationship is emotionally over, staying on means living a lie. Because the relationship is no longer healthy and honest, there are arguments and accusations, hurt feelings and threats. You've been there. You don't want to go through that ever again. But what can you do?

When It's Over, It's Over

Create a preplanned exit strategy once you've decided the relationship is kaput. With a strategy in hand and a script in your pocket, you will feel more confident in breaking up sooner instead of later. Making a quick, clean break is a kindness to the other person. He avoids false hope and can begin the grieving and healing process that is a natural part of a breakup. When it's over, it's over. Both your time and his/hers are better spent meeting other people instead of fumbling for a way out. Remember, you and your partner actually want the same thing: a relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and affection. If these characteristics are missing from either partner, the relationship will suffer and fail. The overall purpose for both of you is to find that special someone. Ending your relationship
now will free both of you to pursue the dream of finding that lifetime partner.

Besides, if you manage to break up earlier rather than later, you increase the possibility that you both may stay friends forever. Staying in a relationship too long leads to resentment, anger, and hurt. The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the more bitter the breakup and the more estranged the two of you are afterward.

Dating Exit Strategy: Practice It!

Remember, you will end all your future relationships except for the last one. Why not be prepared? The first time you realize that your requirements will not be met, try this: you can say, "I think you're a really great person, but I don't think we're a good match". If you rehearse this at home like a Hollywood actor would, you'll be more comfortable when you have to "say your lines" to the person you're dating. You never know, the date you
let down gently may become a future referral source.

If he likes you but agrees that the two of you aren't really couple material, he'll probably bird dog some prospects for you. Because the two of you did not go through an extended and bitter breakup, he could actually be your friend. And friends help friends get what the want including dates.

A final tip: don't change your mind. It'll be difficult, especially if your partner doesn't want to let you go. But remember, when your relationship is dead, nothing and nobody will revive it. Be gentle, but firm - you're on your way to finding someone much, much better that the person you're talking to. And so is he. Do both of you a favor, and do it now.
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Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach. I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Click here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm

Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe07.html © 2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
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