Learn how to rebound

Feeling down?
Keep on Boundin'

Single People Get the Short End at Thanksgiving

From "If you don't have anything better to do," to "When are you going to straighten out your personality and get married," single people have a rough time over the holidays.

Isn't it time you quit taking the bait at family get-togethers?

Now there's the DIFFICULT PEOPLE course just in time for the holidays.
Stop taking the bait and learn to enjoy yourself at these occasions.

You love them, not learn how to get along with them.

Course is on the Internet with unlimimted email support. Click HERE order. You will be contacted immediately by email.

Don't wait. Order it now. Then you'll be prepared.

Hard to be Alone for ths Holidays

HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Current mood: awake

Category: Life

The holidays are had on us all. I'll be working all through the holidays. Please do not hesitate to call me. That's why I'm here.

Free mini-coaching session - justemail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and mention this offer.

THE HOLIDAYS LIFESAVER

THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING ... AND LOOK WHO'S COMING FOR DINNER

From "pull my finger" to "haven't you gotten a boyfriend yet" to "when will you get a job" and "your curtains are duty" -- they'll all be there.

Here's an course to jelp you through the holidays by Susan Dunn the award winning EQ Coach.

YOU LOVE THEM, NOW LEARN HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THEM

Step-by-step practical help with dealing with the difficult people in your life. Just in time for the holidays.This Internet course covers all the Difficult Types.

"I noticed an improvement right away." — Andrea

"Finally, now the "people pleaser" can enjoy MYself too!" ~ Shelley

Clickhere to order this new ONLINE COURSE INTERACTIVE for instant empowerment. It will be emailed to you.89.99.

You love them now learn to get along with them

THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING ... AND LOOK WHO'S COMING FOR DINNER

Here's an course to jelp you through the holidays by Susan Dunn the award winning EQ Coach.

YOU LOVE THEM, NOW LEARN HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THEM

Step-by-step practical help with dealing with the difficult people in your life. Just in time for the holidays.This Internet course covers all the Difficult Types.

“I noticed an improvement right away.” — Andrea

“Finally, now the “people pleaser” can enjoy MYself too!” ~ Shelley

$89.99 - CLick here to order this new ONLINE COURSE INTERACTIVE for instant empowerment. It will be emailed to you.

Isolation and Wellness

Let me help you. One-time free coaching session if you write and mention this blog. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Phone or email.

I'll be working all during the holidays, including the days. The holidays can be a hard time for us. Do not hesitate to call me. I'm here to help.

Emotional Intelligence is Good for Your Health
HEALTH: PSYCHOLOGY; Researchers Add Sounds of Silence To the Growing List of Health Risks - New York Times

This article was written in 1988 by Daniel Goleman for the N. Y. Times, and still we are only beginning to deal with the idea of emotional intelligence, wellness and social support.It's important to note that if you cannot connect with people emotionally, you can be isolated and lonely in a room full of people.It is hard to ignore data like this. It makes a very compelling case for developing your emotional intelligence.

From the article:

Being cut off from friendships and one's family doubles a person's chances of sickness or death ...Although social scientists have long known there was a strong association between loneliness and illness, it was unclear until recent studies which was the cause and which the effect.But the new studies, summarized in the current issue of Science magazine, show that a lack of social relationships in and of itself heightens people's susceptibility to illness.''

The data shows that people who are isolated but healthy are twice as likely to die over the period of a decade or so as are others in the same health,'' said James House, a sociologist at the Institute of Social Research at University of Michigan, a co-author of the report.

The report, co-written by two other researchers ... summarizes studies ... on the effects isolation has on health that have been done over the last two decades. In the studies, more than 37,000 people were assessed over periods of up to 12 years.... ''It's the 10 to 20 percent of people who say they have nobody with whom they can share their private feelings, or who have close contact with others less than once a week, who are at most risk,'' Dr. House said.

More Risky Than Smoking

In adding to the list of factors that put people at an increased risk for disease, the report said social isolation ''is as significant to mortality rates as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity and lack of physical exercise.''

''In fact, when age is adjusted for, social isolation is as great or greater a mortality risk than smoking,'' it added.While smoking makes a person about 1.6 times more likely to develop illnesses of all kinds, social isolation makes a person twice as likely to become sick, the researchers said.''After controlling for the effects of physical health, socioeconomic status, smoking, alcohol, exercise, obesity, race, life satisfaction and health care, the studies found that those with few or weak social ties were twice as likely to die as were those with strong ties,'' Dr. House said. 'Isolation is more devastating to men than to women ...

The comforting effect of another person's presence has been shown to lower not just heart rate and blood pressure but also the secretion of fatty acids that can block arteries.

Effect in Brain Theorized

One theory of why the presence of another person might help suggests that there is an effect in the brain from social contact. The theory holds that social contact inhibits activity in the posterior hypothalmic zone of the brain, lowering the rate of secretion of acetylcholine, cortisol and catecholamines, chemicals that trigger more rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and other physiological signs of stress.

Signs of Stress: The Body Reacts

Social isolation can have a broad range of physiological effects, notably on the brain and the cardiovascular system, among other major organs. Loneliness seems to lower the effectiveness of the immune system while increasing stress on the heart. One theory holds that social relationships can lower the rate of secretion of certain brain chemicals that cause rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and similar signs of stress.

To read the full article, follow the link above.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SUFFERING FROM ISOLATION, let me help you. Coaching is a great route to go. It is just as effective by phone and email. Someone you can talk to who has your interests at heart. Emotional Intelligence coaching helps us learn the social skills that keep us from being isolated.

Note the effects on MEN.

Take the EQ Course, email me for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Are You Ready for Marriage?

Featured article on weddingpath: http://www.weddingpath.com/paths/uk?SMI=24&L=0&CPN=echoes/Issues1To10/readyformarriage/Article

From the article:

The Top 10 Signs You Are Ready For Marriage
by Susan Dunn.

So you've probably already decided to get married, but are you displaying the tell-tale signs that suggest you are ready to settle down?

1. You no longer feel compelled to talk about your ex.

Until you have resolved those issues and laid your previous relationship to rest, attempts to turn the other party into a therapist will make it a "transitional relationship." Don't deliver one, and don't agree to be in one. We often wish there were someone to be with while we go through the grieving and healing process. If we're healthy, however, we don't involve others
in this madness (unless we're paying them by the hour to listen). If the other person colludes with you in this, they're not serious either. When you're ready to date, you're fully present and emotionally available to the new person.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Single for the Holidays

Hoping for love this holiday season and beginning to feel a little blue. Let me help you. Coaching for singles on how to cope with the holiday season, where to meet compatible people, how to know if someone is interested in you, how to manage the complicated new dating scene. Also information about SAD (seasonal affective disorder) - many adults suffer this during the winter time when there is less sunlight.

Susan has been chosen Attract Your Dream Partner for expert.com and Adult & Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth, the largest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by google and yahoo.

Why wait? Start now! Email sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

It's Better to be Alone Than ...

Men in Power « intuitive * introverted * creative

Check out this great article on Nancy's blog.

It's an interview with Photographer Harry Benson quoted in the New York Social Diary.

From the blog:
Q: Did you ever photograph Bob Dole, because everyone says he’s really funny?A: Yes, but a terrible temper. And so does Bill Clinton … oh terrible! Goes red! Just screaming and red-faced … eyes bulging!Q: You mean screaming at underlings?A: Maybe, but the underling might be the Secretary of State or somebody!

To read the rest of the article go here: Men in Power « intuitive * introverted * creative

It ends with an EQ tip:

"And then they would stop and they would look at you, and what you must never do is meet their eyes … you’re more like a primate. If you meet their eyes, you’ve had it!"

Word!To learn more about emotional intelligence, nonverbal communication and difficult people, take THE EQ COURSE. You will never regret it!
It's good for anger management, and also for manging the rage of others.

sdunn@susandunn.cc

How to Use the Holidays to Learn

Friday, November 02, 2007
If you'd like to learn more about your emotions -- get ready for the lessons!

The planet Mars is coming as close to earth as it gets in mid-November. We think we saw it the other night, big and bright. It's fitting because I just read Clousewitz on War, and A History of Warfare, by John Keegan. I also brushed up on my emotional intelligence.

Why? Because Mars is named for the god of War, and war has been around a long time - anger, violence, arguments, conflict - but like any energy, this energy can be used for good things, or bad things. It's self-protective (we fight to protect ourselves or our loved ones, or our possessions), but if you let this energy get out of hand, or misinterpret or over-react to threats, you miss all the better ways to manifest your "warrior spirit."

• In the coming weeks we will have the holidays and the political scene, football, our relationships (or lack of them), and our work situations to explore this energy with. How you experience the holidays will depend on how prepared you are -- emotionally. It is a time of intense extremes. Coaching can help you keep perspective. I'll be available all through the holidays for sessions. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .
  
  This intense time of year can make us more prone to temper tantrums, outbursts, violence, and even cruelty. But it can also bring fighting spirit for good things, bravery and even heroic acts.Our emotional energy needs to be understood and modulated.
  
  Beware of:
  Addictions rearing their ugly heads
  All the negative emotions - anger, guilt, worry and fear
  Extreme highs and extreme lows
  Fighting
  Over-reactions - including rescuing and over-helping
  Increased stress from hiding anger and negative energy we don't know how to deal with
  Intense startups that exhaust us and then peter our (one-week exercise program, the 2-day "diet")
  Fanaticism and proselytizing
  Stress, stress, stress - chemicals that exhaust and stress you and related health problems, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
  

Remember that unless you trap them, emotions come and go. Don't focus on the downside, keep centered, focus on the good, and "just say no" to the emotional rollercoaster. (Remember that "what goes up, must come down" and keep it level.) In other words don't focus on what you fear and/or want to avoid; that gives it power and traps it. Focus instead on good outcomes and positive things.

Email me @ sdunn@susandunn.cc for my TIPS FOR COPING with THE HOLIDAYS.

Email consultation, phone, THE EQ COURSE

Alone for Thanksgiving

From today's mailbag:

I'm a single woman and here what I did. Last Thanksgiving, I invited my niece to come visit. She hadn't been to my hometown, San Antonio, and I knew she'd enjoy the sightseeing. Since it was just the two of us, we decided to work at an animal shelter on the day of Thanksgiving, because she's a big animal activist. So we called ahead of time to make sure they could use our help, and the Volunteer Director said, sure come ahead.

We fed some of the animals and did some cleaning up. After several hours we came home and turkey was ready. It was very a meaningful day for us both.

Share your stories about being single on Thanksgiving. Email them to me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I'll post them.

_________________
Want to sttract your dream partner. Let me coach you. I've worked with hundreds of women, and more than a few have ended up getting married! One-time sessions, month contracts, flexible hours, email and/or phone.

9 Myths about Being Single at Christmas

9 Myths About Being Single at Christmas

More than 48% of US households are headed by unmarried individuals. The American Association for Single People projects that by 2010, 47.2% of adults will be unmarried. Being single does not mean being alone, not does being in a couple for the holidays insure happiness. Let s dispel some myths!

Myth: Single people are lonely at Christmas.

Reality: No moreso than anyone else. This is a projection of people who fear being alone for the holidays, a fear of the unknown.

Myth: Single people need you to invite them over to your celebration.

Reality: Contrary to perceptions, single people are v. popular at Christmas, and we generally receive lots of invitations. If you want us over, invite us, but because you like us, not because you think we need it.

Myth: Single people don t know what to do for the holidays.

Reality: On the contrary, we are used to planning our social lives actively, good at generating options, and used to making unilateral decisions. We re pros!

Myth: Single people are available to perform certain social tasks during the holiday celebration.

Reality: We like to be cherished guests. We don t like to be the steer among the bulls invited to get people who don t get along off of one another s throats. If you don t like your family and friends, why would we? Can you come over and help out with Aunt Edna? is not an invitation.

Myth: Single people are available to do certain physical tasks during the holiday celebration.

Reality: Nor is this an invitation: It s John s in-laws and I want to impress them. Can you come over and help with the hors d oeuvres? As best-friend, yes; as the only working-guest, absolutely not.

Myth: Single people are misfits, outsiders.

Reality: On the contrary, most of us have highly developed Emotional Intelligence skills; that s the reason we get the rescue us invitations! Outsiders? It s about half the adult world.

Myth: If a single person isn t part of a couple, or doesn t spend Christmas with a couple or family, they will be miserable.

Reality: Come on now. Is it so horrible to celebrate Christmas on a cruise to the Caribbean, coming back rested, tanned and relaxed?

Myth: The only happy way to spend the holidays is if you are a couple or part of a family.

Reality: If that were so, half the articles on the Internet this time of year wouldn t be about how to cope with the annual holiday dinner with the relatives, and the divorce rate in the US wouldn t be 50%.

Myth: Single people have nowhere to go for the holidays.

Reality: Nowhere to go? We have everywhere to go! I loved my years as Mrs. Santa. Now I m on-the-go. I m thinking about Germany this year. There are so many places to go I can t decide!!

In fact I have so many neat ideas for spending Christmas on-your-own, if you re stuck email me!

Susan Dunn, www.susandunn.cc, helps women attract their dream mate, and get married. She is Attract Your Dream Man Expert for a major website, and the author of DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN, www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html.

One-time coaching sessions are fine - by phone or email. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

How to Get What You Want

Ram Dass, spiritual teacher, author and professor said:

"The most exquisite paradox ... as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dream possible."

I've got LOTS of examples of this from clients. Let me show you how, what, when why and where to "give it all up" so you can get what (WHO!) you want. It's what I do - coaching you, so you can get what you want. My specialty is STRATEGY.

P.S. I am collecting EXAMPLES of how when you gave up and quit wanting it you got it. Please send yours. Would love to add it to the collection - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

P.P.S. Timing is everything. Email for free mini-coaching session, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc/ and mention this offer. Take THE EQ COURSE - anger management, emotional intelliegence, better relationships, more success at work. Why not give this course to a friend or loved one for Christmas? Email me and I will send the lucky recipient a beautiful gift card.

I work all holidays. Yes, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, etc. Nights and weekends.

Take THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COURSE now and be prepared for the holidays, because .... guess who's coming to dinner? There are all sorts of testimonials on my website about these courses. They really work. Copied from MySpace.com --Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Dreading the Holidays? Here's help.

The pumpkins are coming out on the doorsteps and fall wreaths are appearing on the doors. That means the holidays are coming and you may be getting a feeling in the pit of your stomach.

One of the stressors for some people is the family gatherings. After all, we don't get to choose our families! There may be an uncle that always jerks your chain, or a sister you have trouble getting along with, or maybe your mother is just determined to get everyone to get together and is saying "can't you just get along."

Whatever it is, it's smart to prepare yourself. The EQ Course can help, and also I have a special course called Dealing with Difficult People. To find out more about this course, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . It is on the Internet, but it is interactive. You can ask me specific questions by email and dialogue with me about your individual situation.

Here are some of the things people have said you took the course.

"This course got me through it all. Thank you, thank you." -- P.T., Louisiana

"Finally I get it. It wasnt easy for me to see what was going in and like you say ithas been like that for a long time. When I do what it says to do then I'm OK." -- S.D., California

"Thanks for opening my eyes. Now I know how to avoid those touchy areas, and how to keep things from escalating. Very helpful, specific advice and things to say. I will recommend this course to others."

Email me for more information, sdunn@susandunn.cc .
To register for the course on PayPal, go HERE.

PERSONAL COACHING available. One-time sessions are fine. Often that's all it takes. mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Daniel Kobialka Talks about Emotional Intelligence

The Emotional Intelligence of Music: A Note for the Back-to-Schoolers

"Music to Motivate, Accelerate and Support Learning" is the article appearing on the website of reknowned violinist Daniel Kobialka: Daniel Kobialka Music

And a fitting topic it is, as we approach the beginning of another school year, though it's all the same to us lifetime learners. (We know it contributes to the emotional intelligence competency of resilience.)

On Kobialka's website: "I found years ago that music creates a healing environment. I find Kobialka's to be the best available." -Dr. Bernie Siegel.

Kobialka admits that as he prepares to write about music and learning, he is thinking about emotional intelligence.

From the article:

One concept that keeps popping up in articles and books about the subject, is how music can strengthen emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman wrote a book on the subject in 1995, and since then there's been quite a buzz around the ideas. In fact, when the Harvard Business Review published an article on emotional intelligence two years ago, it attracted more readers than any other article published in HBR in the last 40 years! **Now that's buzz!

Although, like other "pop concepts" there has been considerable malignment, the idea has firm roots in science. Basically, there is scientific acceptance that there are cognitive (relating to thinking and the brain) and non-cognitive (everything else) intelligences. ... If we define success as a person's ability to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with his environment, then we immediately realize that how he, his coworkers, and his boss feel also impact the results he is able to achieve.

Kobialka lists some of the emotional intelligence competencies, noting how they inter-relate. He concludes:

"You can see how music that stimulates attention, calms anxiety, tempers over-exuberance, and creates happiness would also motivate, support and accelerate learning."

For more about music and emotional intelligence, see www.susandunn.cc/vivoperlei.htm. Now a coincidence that it is dedicated to a physician and healer, Dr. John J. Alifano, a pianist and composer.

**Get with the buzz - though as you can tell, this is far from the fad du jour. Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks to learn more about emotional intelligence and "ace the EQ exam." 817-734-1471, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

ARE YOU READY FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

It's that time of year again - and the mailbox is filling up. There's also an increase in dating ... it's just that time of year. Fall is in the air. Or at least we hope it is. Here in Texas, we're glad we seem to have dodged a bullet on Hurricane Dean (and sorry for the Yucatan...)

Well, if you're single at this time, and looking, it's a good time to be looking. Here are some tips for how to meet somebody:

• Get out. I know you're heard this before, and if it had worked (you say) you wouldn't still be single, but in one way it's a numbers' games, and in another there's just something about taking action that makes an impression on the Universe ... or something like that.
• Are you on MySpace? I'm hearing a lot from people on MySpace!
• Take a trip. May be my karma, but I've always met a neat guy on a trip.
• Call a girl-friend and make a pact. That you'll do something once a week that furthers your interests in meeting new guys.
• Read DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN - lots of tips in there.
• Get a dating coach (I'm happy to help)

Single for the Holidays

We're cranking up again, because the holidays are just around the corner.

Check in here often for tips on how to survive and thrive through the holidays if you're single.

Today's top: If you're an introvert, check out The IntrovertzCoach, run by Nancy Fenn. You can read her BLOG here.

Get some Relationship Coaching and learn how to attract your dream man or woman. Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We throw the Emotional Intelligence in with all our coaching. It makes your life work better!

St. Patrick's Day

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY
Let's celebrate the Irish

IRISH BLESSINGS
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

IN TIMES OF SORROW

May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
when the shadows fall - -
You do not walk alone.

IRISH PROVERBS

1. People live in each other's shelter.
2. A lock is better than suspicion.
3. A friend's eye is a good mirror.
4. The light heart lives long.
5. It is better to exist unknown to the law.
6. The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind finely.
7. Even a small thorn causes festering.
8. Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die.
9. The wearer best knows where the show pinches.
10. He who gets a name for early-rising can stay abed till noon.
11. There is no luck where there is no discipline.
12. It's not a matter of upper and lower class, but of being up a while and down a while.
13. You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
14. Three diseases without shame: Love, itch and thirst.
15. You must live with a person to know a person. If you want to know me, come live with me.
16. What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.
17. Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.
18. A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

QUOTES ABOUT THE IRISH

There is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
- Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)

Ireland is rich in literature that understands a soul's yearnings, and dancing that understands a happy heart. - Maggie Jackson

I'm troubled, I'm disatisfied. I'm Irish. - Mariane Moore

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

The Irish would've conquered the world were it not for liquor. - Unknown

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Edna O'Brien

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is. Not even the Irish.

The Irish ignore anything that can't drink or punch.

Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.

The British are not happy unless they are miserable, the Irish are not at peace unless they are at war, and the Scots are not at home unless they are abroad. - George Orwell

IRISH TOAST

May your glass be ever full,
May the roof over your head be always strong,
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

IRISH CURSE

May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.


MAY THE LUCK OF THE IRISH BE WITH YOU!
=====================
Here's to my Irish Dad

==========================
CELEBRATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY WITH A READING.
Do you have the luck of the Irish? Find out more about it with a St. Patrick's Day reading with SEMIRAMIS. $25 for an email reading. Email her at semiramis.appiamo@hotmail.com . She'll do the Celtic cross for you. Improve your luck in dating!

Love Yourself on Valentine's Day

I'm seeing it all around me. This day can just be really hard when you don't have a Valentine, just lost one, or are fighting with yours.

I just visited an ecard site and was surprised to see several "for your ex" Valentine's cards. I think it would be painful to receive one. What do you think?

Nevertheless, if Valentine's Day for YOU is UP TO YOU, here are some words to ponder. And remember - coaching sessions available by phone. Drop me an email to schedule - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Remember that your negative self-talk seems to pop up most often when it's needed the least, so talk sweetly to yourself tomorrow.

We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

. You make a lot of money?

. You achieve a high position in your work?

. You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

. You are famous?

. You find the right relationship?

. You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself:

. How you see yourself

. How you treat yourself

Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had.

As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him.
And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him - ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval that he didn't receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent.

Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is
because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. "How could I have made that stupid remark!" "How could I have acted so stupid?" Mirroring her mother's own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie,
she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.

It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly - by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself - you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low
self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are - a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love - then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include:

. Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations.

. Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.

. Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.

. Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment.

. Attending to - rather than ignoring - your own feelings and needs.

. Taking the time to pray and meditate.

. Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts.

When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.

About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.

Valentine's Day When You're Single

If you're single, how are you coping with Valentine's Day?

From today's mailbags come various suggestions:

From Mary C. in Seattle, Washington
I was in the grocery store today and of course the first thing you walk in to is the big Valentine's displays. I love fresh flowers. It reminded me of the big bouquet Fred sent me last valentine's. I work in a big office and I thought about just getting myself some. Then I decided not to and just to ignore the whole thing. I'm just going to act like it's not happening.

From Sandara K. in Birmingham, A.
This is the second Valentine's Day since my divorce. This one's easier than last year. I don't have a new boyfriend and it made me sad to look at all the romantic Valentine's cards, so I just don't do it. When I see something that makes me think of something sad, I distract myself. I remember that in your Optimism course.

Albert D. in Dallas, Texas
I'm sending flowers to my new girl friend. I don't like her that much. I'm still in love with Amanda. It will probably get me in trouble, like leading her on. I'm kind of on the spot. But anyway I'm sending her flowers.

Tell us how YOU are coping with Valentine's when you don't have a honey. Send your responses to sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Women Over 50 - Dating

DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN OVER 50“A Pep Talk for Single Women Over 50 Who are Looking,”
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

There are 97 million Americans over the age of 45, and of those, 40%, or 36.2 million, are single. If you’re over 50 and looking, I have some good news. Like a good coach, I’m going to pump you up!

The ratio of females to males increases with each decade, but does it really matter? No, for two reasons. First, all it takes is one, and a 100% hit is a 100% hit. Secondly, think back to when you were dating in college. How many of those boys would you consider potential for dating? If you’re like me, not one in 50. If you’re dating just to date a warm body, that’s no problem. For serious dating, I’ve always been discriminating, haven’t you? It’s always been “hard” to find the right material, so it’s the same game, just played on a new field.

Emotional intelligence generally increases with age; this is about “life skills.” Older people are better at dating, as they are at just about everything except a few non-consequential motor skills. From experience, maturity, and common sense, sometimes innate, sometimes acquired through the School of Hard Knocks, we interpret reality quickly and correctly. We know how to look in the horse’s mouth.

Likewise, we can maneuver in the social world. We don’t fumble for topics of conversation, faint at the thought of a formal dinner, wonder how to behave at an opera, or think planning a vacation is “hard.” We don’t fall apart when our hose run, and we operate from a deeply centered standpoint, not chasing about the fickle and changing opinions of others. We answer to ourselves. We have lifeskills, aplomb, sophistication, and experience!

We aren’t run by hormones, which is how many mistakes are made, and the good news, the guys aren’t either. According to Trish McDermott, at Match.com, the largest dating site, “The one thing that our research continually shows is that the older a person gets, the more he or she becomes a practical dater, as opposed to being emotionally driven.” This gives both sexes a better chance at a wise choice.

Men in our age range have had a chance to learn what matters, and what makes or breaks a marriage. As one of my clients says, their former wife has trained them in some important areas, as has life, and in some cases, divorce; or they have used poor judgment, married someone unsuitable, and learned the hard way. There’s nothing like being able to eliminate immediately things, people and relationships that don’t work for you and when men can do this, it saves us all time.

Men have explored the sex thing ad nauseum and tend to focus on the bigger picture. One of my male clients told me recently, about a woman he’d been dating, “We’d only get along in bed, where it’s fantastic, but we’d be fighting the rest of the time.” He decided to pass on that one.

Men like to date younger women, but the smart ones, only once or twice. After that, they learn. The odds of a marriage working where the man is 10 or more years older are small, and remember the “practical” thing. We’re all too smart after a certain age to play with a deck stacked against us.

Corollary: there’s a growing interest in men for dating older women. Why? Hey, this is an article for women over 50 and we KNOW why. The hysteria and attitude of women in their 20s and 30s is not appealing. If not fighting outside the bed, it’s banality, histrionics, and the fantasies of the naïve and uninformed.

We don’t ask “Does this make my butt look fat?” or any other fatuous, passive-aggressive, whiny, dependent, obsessed, annoying questions. We’re more likely to ask where the Dow Jones is, or “How do you think Prescott should respond to the allegations of bullying in his office?”

We don’t wake him up in the middle of the night before his big sales meeting, sniveling, “Would you marry someone else if I died?”

Ask any man over the age of 40, and he’ll say he wants “a companion.” For a marriage partner, according to the AARP, people over 50 say “personality” matters the most. Marriage ends up being that 6-hour drive to the kids’ house, and he doesn’t want to listen to a ninny talking about the latest sale at the Gap or what a horrible boss she has, or how unfair her life is. It’s also about the logistics of a well-run life, and he doesn’t want someone who sits on the floor and sobs when the washing machine overflows.

We can handle our emotions. We enjoy them, but aren’t driven by them. We can also modulate them. And we are capable of silence for extended periods of time. We are also unlikely to do the thing men dread them most: make them the sole determination of our happiness. (You will see this repeatedly on Internet profiles.)

Now here are some of the latest stats from the AARP. Nearly half the people 40-69 didn’t have a first-date last year. Statistically, of people in their 50s, 15.4% are divorced, 6.25 have never been married, and 4.4% are widowed. This matters because men who remain embittered and terrified of involvement after a divorce, aren’t datable and should be required to wear warning signs of their backs.

Should this discourage you? No. If you’re a winner, if you have your act together, if you aren’t dragging the past around on your own back, there is someone out there looking for you just as hard as you are for them.
Where to look? Start with places you normally go (opera, theater, museums, SCUBA, hiking) just amp it up. Churches with large memberships are also a good choice. Just be awake when you’re there. Internet dating sites also score high. About half the people over 55 believe it’s possible to meet via the internet and fall I love. It happened to me. I know it’s possible. Match.com has 1.5 million members over the age of 50, the fastest-growing group, with a 65% increase last year.
There are sites that sort by any variable you could care about – religion, age, interests, location. Of special interest is http://www.rightstuffdating.com/v_schools.cfm for those who went to pretigious schools. My alma mater made the cut, maybe yours did too.
Good marriages are between equals. Except in fairytales, successful marriage are between people with similar backgrounds and histories. This means, if you aren’t where you want to be, get busy. Get some coaching, get back in shape and have a makeover, take a good nutraceutical and supplement, and enrich the biggest sex organ – your brain. When you fall in love with learning, you never have a broken heart. You also make your heart and mind a lot more attractive to other people.
Dating over 50 is a competitive game. It requires fitness, skills, and a good coach. Even Tyger Woods can improve his swing with the right coach. Your coach can give you a game plan, workable rules, shorten your learning curve, improve your skills, give perspective and increase your stamina and resilience.
When you’ve heard as many stories as I have, you can see the trends and the ins and outs; also the successes. There truly is a lid for every pot. I could mention movies or books, but I’ll go back to the oldest form of enjoyment, opera. It’s been around hundreds of years, for a reason. Go see Mozart’s “Die Zauberflote,” (The Magic Flute). For every Papageno there’s a Papagena, for every Tamino, a Pamina. It is so sweet the way that works. It’s a game you can win, with a good coach.
So, have good cheer, and good luck!

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan offers coaching, Internet courses, a blog for singles, ezines, Arbonne nutraceuticals and safe cosmetics, and ebooks for your relationship and professional success. She trains and certifies Wellness and EQ coaches all over the world, and is the founder of Club Vivo Per Lei/I Live for Music. She is the author of “Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women” and The Rules, a simple and effective system for intelligent midlife dating.
=======
Get prepared for getting out there with a makeover. Arbonne offers top quality, safe products for your personal enhancement. Check out the NutriMinC RE9® System. Buy the whole package because it works together, synergistically.
- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating Facial Serum, Day & Night
- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating, Body Serum
- NutriMinC® RE9 REality SPF 8, Day Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REfinish, Hydrating Body Lotion
- NutriMinC® RE9 REfresh Foaming Body Wash
- NutriMinC® RE9 Release Deep Pore Cleansing Masque
- NutriMinC® RE9 REnewing Gelée Crème, Hydrating Wash
- NutriMinC® RE9 REpair, Corrective Eye Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REpair, REcover Night Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REsist Essential Fatty Acid Dietary Supplement
- NutriMinC® RE9 REstoring Mist, Balancing Toner
- NutriMinC® RE9 REveal Facial Scrub
- NutriMinC® RE9 REversing Gelée Transforming Lift