Single for the Holidays

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Susan Dunn, M.A., is The Dating Coach. Here to help you with the complicated dating scene today. Email her at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Dating at Midlife

Midlife: What’s First? writes Carla Herra and she makes some good points.

I direct you also to my dating coaching (www.susandunn.cc/internetdatingcoach.htm) and my ebook, DATING SUCCESS MANUAL FOR WOMEN. www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html for greater guidance and clarification.

From the article:

More American women over 45 are single, than ever before. According to the latest population surveys, someone turns 50 every 8 seconds in the U.S. and more than half of that figure is female. According to Christian Science Monitor writer, Marilyn Gardner, To newly minted singles coming out of long marriages, the prospect of dating can be daunting. At the initial phase of dating, the boomer woman may want to ask herself, why date? In other words, what is the objective?

In 2003, AARP conducted a study asking participants why they dated and found the single most important…reason…is to have someone to talk to or do things with. This reason accounted for almost half of the singles in the study. One woman from an email group didnt agree. If these two reasons were the only reason for a woman to date it might be less complicated if she ran around with another woman instead of a man. She wouldn’t have to worry about giving the guy the wrong signals.

If I dated a guy it would also be because I found him sexually attractive, she said.

Other reasons from the study included: to have fun, find a partner, find someone to marry and to fulfill sexual needs.

Understanding why you want to date is an important first step in the
process. This gives you a clear objective and eliminates unnecessary time spent in relationships that have nothing to do with your objective.

In addition to dating motivations, the new single should consider what type of relationship they want. Susan Dunn, EQ coach of Momentum Coaching asks, Companionship without commitment? Is that with or without sex? Do you want long-term and sex? Is that with or without commitment? Friend with benefits? Benefits without friendship? Marriage? Is that marriage with or without fidelity? Once you know what you want, you can learn to ask for what you want. Dont be shy when you begin dating, the time (and heart) you save is your own. Knowing when youre ready to date is just as important as why. Generally, experience and distance from relationships gives a person not just a needed break, but also some insight into their motivations and what they need from a relationship.

Carla Herrera is a freelance writer and I'm pleased to see myself quoted in her article.

For midlife dating coaching, contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Isolation and Wellness

Let me help you. One-time free coaching session if you write and mention this blog. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Phone or email.

I'll be working all during the holidays, including the days. The holidays can be a hard time for us. Do not hesitate to call me. I'm here to help.

Emotional Intelligence is Good for Your Health
HEALTH: PSYCHOLOGY; Researchers Add Sounds of Silence To the Growing List of Health Risks - New York Times

This article was written in 1988 by Daniel Goleman for the N. Y. Times, and still we are only beginning to deal with the idea of emotional intelligence, wellness and social support.It's important to note that if you cannot connect with people emotionally, you can be isolated and lonely in a room full of people.It is hard to ignore data like this. It makes a very compelling case for developing your emotional intelligence.

From the article:

Being cut off from friendships and one's family doubles a person's chances of sickness or death ...Although social scientists have long known there was a strong association between loneliness and illness, it was unclear until recent studies which was the cause and which the effect.But the new studies, summarized in the current issue of Science magazine, show that a lack of social relationships in and of itself heightens people's susceptibility to illness.''

The data shows that people who are isolated but healthy are twice as likely to die over the period of a decade or so as are others in the same health,'' said James House, a sociologist at the Institute of Social Research at University of Michigan, a co-author of the report.

The report, co-written by two other researchers ... summarizes studies ... on the effects isolation has on health that have been done over the last two decades. In the studies, more than 37,000 people were assessed over periods of up to 12 years.... ''It's the 10 to 20 percent of people who say they have nobody with whom they can share their private feelings, or who have close contact with others less than once a week, who are at most risk,'' Dr. House said.

More Risky Than Smoking

In adding to the list of factors that put people at an increased risk for disease, the report said social isolation ''is as significant to mortality rates as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity and lack of physical exercise.''

''In fact, when age is adjusted for, social isolation is as great or greater a mortality risk than smoking,'' it added.While smoking makes a person about 1.6 times more likely to develop illnesses of all kinds, social isolation makes a person twice as likely to become sick, the researchers said.''After controlling for the effects of physical health, socioeconomic status, smoking, alcohol, exercise, obesity, race, life satisfaction and health care, the studies found that those with few or weak social ties were twice as likely to die as were those with strong ties,'' Dr. House said. 'Isolation is more devastating to men than to women ...

The comforting effect of another person's presence has been shown to lower not just heart rate and blood pressure but also the secretion of fatty acids that can block arteries.

Effect in Brain Theorized

One theory of why the presence of another person might help suggests that there is an effect in the brain from social contact. The theory holds that social contact inhibits activity in the posterior hypothalmic zone of the brain, lowering the rate of secretion of acetylcholine, cortisol and catecholamines, chemicals that trigger more rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and other physiological signs of stress.

Signs of Stress: The Body Reacts

Social isolation can have a broad range of physiological effects, notably on the brain and the cardiovascular system, among other major organs. Loneliness seems to lower the effectiveness of the immune system while increasing stress on the heart. One theory holds that social relationships can lower the rate of secretion of certain brain chemicals that cause rapid breathing, a quickened heartbeat and similar signs of stress.

To read the full article, follow the link above.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS SUFFERING FROM ISOLATION, let me help you. Coaching is a great route to go. It is just as effective by phone and email. Someone you can talk to who has your interests at heart. Emotional Intelligence coaching helps us learn the social skills that keep us from being isolated.

Note the effects on MEN.

Take the EQ Course, email me for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Are You Ready for Marriage?

Featured article on weddingpath: http://www.weddingpath.com/paths/uk?SMI=24&L=0&CPN=echoes/Issues1To10/readyformarriage/Article

From the article:

The Top 10 Signs You Are Ready For Marriage
by Susan Dunn.

So you've probably already decided to get married, but are you displaying the tell-tale signs that suggest you are ready to settle down?

1. You no longer feel compelled to talk about your ex.

Until you have resolved those issues and laid your previous relationship to rest, attempts to turn the other party into a therapist will make it a "transitional relationship." Don't deliver one, and don't agree to be in one. We often wish there were someone to be with while we go through the grieving and healing process. If we're healthy, however, we don't involve others
in this madness (unless we're paying them by the hour to listen). If the other person colludes with you in this, they're not serious either. When you're ready to date, you're fully present and emotionally available to the new person.

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Single for the Holidays

Hoping for love this holiday season and beginning to feel a little blue. Let me help you. Coaching for singles on how to cope with the holiday season, where to meet compatible people, how to know if someone is interested in you, how to manage the complicated new dating scene. Also information about SAD (seasonal affective disorder) - many adults suffer this during the winter time when there is less sunlight.

Susan has been chosen Attract Your Dream Partner for expert.com and Adult & Senior Development Expert for SelfGrowth, the largest self help portal on the Internet, rated #1 by google and yahoo.

Why wait? Start now! Email sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Alone for Thanksgiving

From today's mailbag:

I'm a single woman and here what I did. Last Thanksgiving, I invited my niece to come visit. She hadn't been to my hometown, San Antonio, and I knew she'd enjoy the sightseeing. Since it was just the two of us, we decided to work at an animal shelter on the day of Thanksgiving, because she's a big animal activist. So we called ahead of time to make sure they could use our help, and the Volunteer Director said, sure come ahead.

We fed some of the animals and did some cleaning up. After several hours we came home and turkey was ready. It was very a meaningful day for us both.

Share your stories about being single on Thanksgiving. Email them to me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I'll post them.

_________________
Want to sttract your dream partner. Let me coach you. I've worked with hundreds of women, and more than a few have ended up getting married! One-time sessions, month contracts, flexible hours, email and/or phone.

How to Get What You Want

Ram Dass, spiritual teacher, author and professor said:

"The most exquisite paradox ... as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dream possible."

I've got LOTS of examples of this from clients. Let me show you how, what, when why and where to "give it all up" so you can get what (WHO!) you want. It's what I do - coaching you, so you can get what you want. My specialty is STRATEGY.

P.S. I am collecting EXAMPLES of how when you gave up and quit wanting it you got it. Please send yours. Would love to add it to the collection - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

P.P.S. Timing is everything. Email for free mini-coaching session, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc/ and mention this offer. Take THE EQ COURSE - anger management, emotional intelliegence, better relationships, more success at work. Why not give this course to a friend or loved one for Christmas? Email me and I will send the lucky recipient a beautiful gift card.

I work all holidays. Yes, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, etc. Nights and weekends.

Take THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COURSE now and be prepared for the holidays, because .... guess who's coming to dinner? There are all sorts of testimonials on my website about these courses. They really work. Copied from MySpace.com --Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

Dreading the Holidays? Here's help.

The pumpkins are coming out on the doorsteps and fall wreaths are appearing on the doors. That means the holidays are coming and you may be getting a feeling in the pit of your stomach.

One of the stressors for some people is the family gatherings. After all, we don't get to choose our families! There may be an uncle that always jerks your chain, or a sister you have trouble getting along with, or maybe your mother is just determined to get everyone to get together and is saying "can't you just get along."

Whatever it is, it's smart to prepare yourself. The EQ Course can help, and also I have a special course called Dealing with Difficult People. To find out more about this course, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . It is on the Internet, but it is interactive. You can ask me specific questions by email and dialogue with me about your individual situation.

Here are some of the things people have said you took the course.

"This course got me through it all. Thank you, thank you." -- P.T., Louisiana

"Finally I get it. It wasnt easy for me to see what was going in and like you say ithas been like that for a long time. When I do what it says to do then I'm OK." -- S.D., California

"Thanks for opening my eyes. Now I know how to avoid those touchy areas, and how to keep things from escalating. Very helpful, specific advice and things to say. I will recommend this course to others."

Email me for more information, sdunn@susandunn.cc .
To register for the course on PayPal, go HERE.

PERSONAL COACHING available. One-time sessions are fine. Often that's all it takes. mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Single for the Holidays

We're cranking up again, because the holidays are just around the corner.

Check in here often for tips on how to survive and thrive through the holidays if you're single.

Today's top: If you're an introvert, check out The IntrovertzCoach, run by Nancy Fenn. You can read her BLOG here.

Get some Relationship Coaching and learn how to attract your dream man or woman. Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We throw the Emotional Intelligence in with all our coaching. It makes your life work better!