We're cranking up again, because the holidays are just around the corner.
Check in here often for tips on how to survive and thrive through the holidays if you're single.
Today's top: If you're an introvert, check out The IntrovertzCoach, run by Nancy Fenn. You can read her BLOG here.
Get some Relationship Coaching and learn how to attract your dream man or woman. Contact me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . We throw the Emotional Intelligence in with all our coaching. It makes your life work better!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
St. Patrick's Day
HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAYLet's celebrate the Irish
IRISH BLESSINGS
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
IN TIMES OF SORROW
May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
when the shadows fall - -
You do not walk alone.
IRISH PROVERBS
1. People live in each other's shelter.
2. A lock is better than suspicion.
3. A friend's eye is a good mirror.
4. The light heart lives long.
5. It is better to exist unknown to the law.
6. The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind finely.
7. Even a small thorn causes festering.
8. Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die.
9. The wearer best knows where the show pinches.
10. He who gets a name for early-rising can stay abed till noon.
11. There is no luck where there is no discipline.
12. It's not a matter of upper and lower class, but of being up a while and down a while.
13. You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
14. Three diseases without shame: Love, itch and thirst.
15. You must live with a person to know a person. If you want to know me, come live with me.
16. What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.
17. Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.
18. A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
QUOTES ABOUT THE IRISH
There is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
- Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)
Ireland is rich in literature that understands a soul's yearnings, and dancing that understands a happy heart. - Maggie Jackson
I'm troubled, I'm disatisfied. I'm Irish. - Mariane Moore
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
The Irish would've conquered the world were it not for liquor. - Unknown
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Edna O'Brien
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is. Not even the Irish.
The Irish ignore anything that can't drink or punch.
Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.
The British are not happy unless they are miserable, the Irish are not at peace unless they are at war, and the Scots are not at home unless they are abroad. - George Orwell
IRISH TOAST
May your glass be ever full,
May the roof over your head be always strong,
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
IRISH CURSE
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
MAY THE LUCK OF THE IRISH BE WITH YOU!
=====================
Here's to my Irish Dad
==========================
CELEBRATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY WITH A READING. Do you have the luck of the Irish? Find out more about it with a St. Patrick's Day reading with SEMIRAMIS. $25 for an email reading. Email her at semiramis.appiamo@hotmail.com . She'll do the Celtic cross for you. Improve your luck in dating!
Monday, February 13, 2006
Love Yourself on Valentine's Day
I'm seeing it all around me. This day can just be really hard when you don't have a Valentine, just lost one, or are fighting with yours.
I just visited an ecard site and was surprised to see several "for your ex" Valentine's cards. I think it would be painful to receive one. What do you think?
Nevertheless, if Valentine's Day for YOU is UP TO YOU, here are some words to ponder. And remember - coaching sessions available by phone. Drop me an email to schedule - sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Remember that your negative self-talk seems to pop up most often when it's needed the least, so talk sweetly to yourself tomorrow.
We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.
Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:
. You make a lot of money?
. You achieve a high position in your work?
. You have an expensive car or an expensive home?
. You are famous?
. You find the right relationship?
. You receive approval from the important people in your life?
While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.
Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself:
. How you see yourself
. How you treat yourself
Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had.
As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him.
And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him - ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval that he didn't receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent.
Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is
because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. "How could I have made that stupid remark!" "How could I have acted so stupid?" Mirroring her mother's own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie,
she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.
It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly - by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself - you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low
self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are - a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love - then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include:
. Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations.
. Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.
. Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.
. Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment.
. Attending to - rather than ignoring - your own feelings and needs.
. Taking the time to pray and meditate.
. Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts.
When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.
About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You" and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Valentine's Day When You're Single
If you're single, how are you coping with Valentine's Day?
From today's mailbags come various suggestions:
From Mary C. in Seattle, Washington
I was in the grocery store today and of course the first thing you walk in to is the big Valentine's displays. I love fresh flowers. It reminded me of the big bouquet Fred sent me last valentine's. I work in a big office and I thought about just getting myself some. Then I decided not to and just to ignore the whole thing. I'm just going to act like it's not happening.
From Sandara K. in Birmingham, A.
This is the second Valentine's Day since my divorce. This one's easier than last year. I don't have a new boyfriend and it made me sad to look at all the romantic Valentine's cards, so I just don't do it. When I see something that makes me think of something sad, I distract myself. I remember that in your Optimism course.
Albert D. in Dallas, Texas
I'm sending flowers to my new girl friend. I don't like her that much. I'm still in love with Amanda. It will probably get me in trouble, like leading her on. I'm kind of on the spot. But anyway I'm sending her flowers.
Tell us how YOU are coping with Valentine's when you don't have a honey. Send your responses to sdunn@susandunn.cc .
From today's mailbags come various suggestions:
From Mary C. in Seattle, Washington
I was in the grocery store today and of course the first thing you walk in to is the big Valentine's displays. I love fresh flowers. It reminded me of the big bouquet Fred sent me last valentine's. I work in a big office and I thought about just getting myself some. Then I decided not to and just to ignore the whole thing. I'm just going to act like it's not happening.
From Sandara K. in Birmingham, A.
This is the second Valentine's Day since my divorce. This one's easier than last year. I don't have a new boyfriend and it made me sad to look at all the romantic Valentine's cards, so I just don't do it. When I see something that makes me think of something sad, I distract myself. I remember that in your Optimism course.
Albert D. in Dallas, Texas
I'm sending flowers to my new girl friend. I don't like her that much. I'm still in love with Amanda. It will probably get me in trouble, like leading her on. I'm kind of on the spot. But anyway I'm sending her flowers.
Tell us how YOU are coping with Valentine's when you don't have a honey. Send your responses to sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Women Over 50 - Dating
DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN OVER 50“A Pep Talk for Single Women Over 50 Who are Looking,”by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
There are 97 million Americans over the age of 45, and of those, 40%, or 36.2 million, are single. If you’re over 50 and looking, I have some good news. Like a good coach, I’m going to pump you up!
The ratio of females to males increases with each decade, but does it really matter? No, for two reasons. First, all it takes is one, and a 100% hit is a 100% hit. Secondly, think back to when you were dating in college. How many of those boys would you consider potential for dating? If you’re like me, not one in 50. If you’re dating just to date a warm body, that’s no problem. For serious dating, I’ve always been discriminating, haven’t you? It’s always been “hard” to find the right material, so it’s the same game, just played on a new field.
Emotional intelligence generally increases with age; this is about “life skills.” Older people are better at dating, as they are at just about everything except a few non-consequential motor skills. From experience, maturity, and common sense, sometimes innate, sometimes acquired through the School of Hard Knocks, we interpret reality quickly and correctly. We know how to look in the horse’s mouth.
Likewise, we can maneuver in the social world. We don’t fumble for topics of conversation, faint at the thought of a formal dinner, wonder how to behave at an opera, or think planning a vacation is “hard.” We don’t fall apart when our hose run, and we operate from a deeply centered standpoint, not chasing about the fickle and changing opinions of others. We answer to ourselves. We have lifeskills, aplomb, sophistication, and experience!
We aren’t run by hormones, which is how many mistakes are made, and the good news, the guys aren’t either. According to Trish McDermott, at Match.com, the largest dating site, “The one thing that our research continually shows is that the older a person gets, the more he or she becomes a practical dater, as opposed to being emotionally driven.” This gives both sexes a better chance at a wise choice.
Men in our age range have had a chance to learn what matters, and what makes or breaks a marriage. As one of my clients says, their former wife has trained them in some important areas, as has life, and in some cases, divorce; or they have used poor judgment, married someone unsuitable, and learned the hard way. There’s nothing like being able to eliminate immediately things, people and relationships that don’t work for you and when men can do this, it saves us all time.
Men have explored the sex thing ad nauseum and tend to focus on the bigger picture. One of my male clients told me recently, about a woman he’d been dating, “We’d only get along in bed, where it’s fantastic, but we’d be fighting the rest of the time.” He decided to pass on that one.
Men like to date younger women, but the smart ones, only once or twice. After that, they learn. The odds of a marriage working where the man is 10 or more years older are small, and remember the “practical” thing. We’re all too smart after a certain age to play with a deck stacked against us.
Corollary: there’s a growing interest in men for dating older women. Why? Hey, this is an article for women over 50 and we KNOW why. The hysteria and attitude of women in their 20s and 30s is not appealing. If not fighting outside the bed, it’s banality, histrionics, and the fantasies of the naïve and uninformed.
We don’t ask “Does this make my butt look fat?” or any other fatuous, passive-aggressive, whiny, dependent, obsessed, annoying questions. We’re more likely to ask where the Dow Jones is, or “How do you think Prescott should respond to the allegations of bullying in his office?”
We don’t wake him up in the middle of the night before his big sales meeting, sniveling, “Would you marry someone else if I died?”
Ask any man over the age of 40, and he’ll say he wants “a companion.” For a marriage partner, according to the AARP, people over 50 say “personality” matters the most. Marriage ends up being that 6-hour drive to the kids’ house, and he doesn’t want to listen to a ninny talking about the latest sale at the Gap or what a horrible boss she has, or how unfair her life is. It’s also about the logistics of a well-run life, and he doesn’t want someone who sits on the floor and sobs when the washing machine overflows.
We can handle our emotions. We enjoy them, but aren’t driven by them. We can also modulate them. And we are capable of silence for extended periods of time. We are also unlikely to do the thing men dread them most: make them the sole determination of our happiness. (You will see this repeatedly on Internet profiles.)
Now here are some of the latest stats from the AARP. Nearly half the people 40-69 didn’t have a first-date last year. Statistically, of people in their 50s, 15.4% are divorced, 6.25 have never been married, and 4.4% are widowed. This matters because men who remain embittered and terrified of involvement after a divorce, aren’t datable and should be required to wear warning signs of their backs.
Should this discourage you? No. If you’re a winner, if you have your act together, if you aren’t dragging the past around on your own back, there is someone out there looking for you just as hard as you are for them.
Where to look? Start with places you normally go (opera, theater, museums, SCUBA, hiking) just amp it up. Churches with large memberships are also a good choice. Just be awake when you’re there. Internet dating sites also score high. About half the people over 55 believe it’s possible to meet via the internet and fall I love. It happened to me. I know it’s possible. Match.com has 1.5 million members over the age of 50, the fastest-growing group, with a 65% increase last year.
There are sites that sort by any variable you could care about – religion, age, interests, location. Of special interest is http://www.rightstuffdating.com/v_schools.cfm for those who went to pretigious schools. My alma mater made the cut, maybe yours did too.
Good marriages are between equals. Except in fairytales, successful marriage are between people with similar backgrounds and histories. This means, if you aren’t where you want to be, get busy. Get some coaching, get back in shape and have a makeover, take a good nutraceutical and supplement, and enrich the biggest sex organ – your brain. When you fall in love with learning, you never have a broken heart. You also make your heart and mind a lot more attractive to other people.
Dating over 50 is a competitive game. It requires fitness, skills, and a good coach. Even Tyger Woods can improve his swing with the right coach. Your coach can give you a game plan, workable rules, shorten your learning curve, improve your skills, give perspective and increase your stamina and resilience.
When you’ve heard as many stories as I have, you can see the trends and the ins and outs; also the successes. There truly is a lid for every pot. I could mention movies or books, but I’ll go back to the oldest form of enjoyment, opera. It’s been around hundreds of years, for a reason. Go see Mozart’s “Die Zauberflote,” (The Magic Flute). For every Papageno there’s a Papagena, for every Tamino, a Pamina. It is so sweet the way that works. It’s a game you can win, with a good coach.
So, have good cheer, and good luck!
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan offers coaching, Internet courses, a blog for singles, ezines, Arbonne nutraceuticals and safe cosmetics, and ebooks for your relationship and professional success. She trains and certifies Wellness and EQ coaches all over the world, and is the founder of Club Vivo Per Lei/I Live for Music. She is the author of “Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women” and The Rules, a simple and effective system for intelligent midlife dating.
=======
Get prepared for getting out there with a makeover. Arbonne offers top quality, safe products for your personal enhancement. Check out the NutriMinC RE9® System. Buy the whole package because it works together, synergistically.- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating Facial Serum, Day & Night
- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating, Body Serum
- NutriMinC® RE9 REality SPF 8, Day Crème
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- NutriMinC® RE9 REpair, REcover Night Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REsist Essential Fatty Acid Dietary Supplement
- NutriMinC® RE9 REstoring Mist, Balancing Toner
- NutriMinC® RE9 REveal Facial Scrub
- NutriMinC® RE9 REversing Gelée Transforming Lift
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Valentine's Day is Coming
LOVE IS IN THE AIRWell it's in the air now -- Valentine's Day -- an if you're single you might be feeling a little of pain, or maybe a little relief. If you just got out of a bad relationship, you might find it nice to be alone and enjoy some of the things you couldn't when in that relationship. If you're "lonely too long" or just got dumped, it can be painful.
Remember that you have options about how you feel.
You also have options about exposing yourself to what makes you feel bad.
I went for my annual checkup the other day, with a doctor I've known for years. He started right in telling me how bad the news was on the TV and how much it upset him. I had to wonder, "Then why do you watch it." I go for long periods without exposing myself to the news, catching up with friends, or a quick look on the Internet. It keeps me in a cheerier frame of mind being on a "need to know" basis.
Now you can do the same with Valentine's Day. If the thought makes you upset, distract yourself. When something comes up that reminds you of Valentine's Day -- on the Internet, TV, or in your car, focus your mind on something else.
Dwelling doesn't do any good. In fact it does harm. You never know what tomorrow will bring, so enjoy the moment and hope for the best.
So you can choose to cancel Valentine's Day, or you can choose to celebrate it in a loving way yourself. This could be with a relative, friend, alone or with kids.
Enjoy that there's no pressure to produce or participate in a romantic Valentine's Day. Very few people pull one off, after the blush of courting romance, so think about that. Take yourself out for a romantic dinner -- whatever you like best -- alone, or with a friend or friends, and you can be assured that about half the "couples" you see probably aren't having a good a time as you are!
The main thing is, grab the moment, manage the emotions, and enjoy you in the present.
Shop with me online for the Arbonne SPECIALS. It's a great time to get rid of cellulite with the new VANISHING ACT, boost your immune system with a great supplement, treat yourself to a makeup with SAFE MAKEUP that's good for your skin and insides (because it gets absorbed into your bloodstream). We want you to feel good and look good!
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Women over 50 Dating
DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN OVER 50“A Pep Talk for Single Women Over 50 Who are Looking,”
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
There are 97 million Americans over the age of 45, and of those, 40%, or 36.2 million, are single. If you’re over 50 and looking, I have some good news. Like a good coach, I’m going to pump you up!
The ratio of females to males increases with each decade, but does it really matter? No, for two reasons. First, all it takes is one, and a 100% hit is a 100% hit. Secondly, think back to when you were dating in college. How many of those boys would you consider potential for dating? If you’re like me, not one in 50. If you’re dating just to date a warm body, that’s no problem. For serious dating, I’ve always been discriminating, haven’t you? It’s always been “hard” to find the right material, so it’s the same game, just played on a new field.
Emotional intelligence generally increases with age; this is about “life skills.” Older people are better at dating, as they are at just about everything except a few non-consequential motor skills. From experience, maturity, and common sense, sometimes innate, sometimes acquired through the School of Hard Knocks, we interpret reality quickly and correctly. We know how to look in the horse’s mouth.
Likewise, we can maneuver in the social world. We don’t fumble for topics of conversation, faint at the thought of a formal dinner, wonder how to behave at an opera, or think planning a vacation is “hard.” We don’t fall apart when our hose run, and we operate from a deeply centered standpoint, not chasing about the fickle and changing opinions of others. We answer to ourselves. We have lifeskills, aplomb, sophistication, and experience!
We aren’t run by hormones, which is how many mistakes are made, and the good news, the guys aren’t either. According to Trish McDermott, at Match.com, the largest dating site, “The one thing that our research continually shows is that the older a person gets, the more he or she becomes a practical dater, as opposed to being emotionally driven.” This gives both sexes a better chance at a wise choice.
Men in our age range have had a chance to learn what matters, and what makes or breaks a marriage. As one of my clients says, their former wife has trained them in some important areas, as has life, and in some cases, divorce; or they have used poor judgment, married someone unsuitable, and learned the hard way. There’s nothing like being able to eliminate immediately things, people and relationships that don’t work for you and when men can do this, it saves us all time.
Men have explored the sex thing ad nauseum and tend to focus on the bigger picture. One of my male clients told me recently, about a woman he’d been dating, “We’d only get along in bed, where it’s fantastic, but we’d be fighting the rest of the time.” He decided to pass on that one.
Men like to date younger women, but the smart ones, only once or twice. After that, they learn. The odds of a marriage working where the man is 10 or more years older are small, and remember the “practical” thing. We’re all too smart after a certain age to play with a deck stacked against us.
Corollary: there’s a growing interest in men for dating older women. Why? Hey, this is an article for women over 50 and we KNOW why. The hysteria and attitude of women in their 20s and 30s is not appealing. If not fighting outside the bed, it’s banality, histrionics, and the fantasies of the naïve and uninformed.
We don’t ask “Does this make my butt look fat?” or any other fatuous, passive-aggressive, whiny, dependent, obsessed, annoying questions. We’re more likely to ask where the Dow Jones is, or “How do you think Prescott should respond to the allegations of bullying in his office?”
We don’t wake him up in the middle of the night before his big sales meeting, sniveling, “Would you marry someone else if I died?”
Ask any man over the age of 40, and he’ll say he wants “a companion.” For a marriage partner, according to the AARP, people over 50 say “personality” matters the most. Marriage ends up being that 6-hour drive to the kids’ house, and he doesn’t want to listen to a ninny talking about the latest sale at the Gap or what a horrible boss she has, or how unfair her life is. It’s also about the logistics of a well-run life, and he doesn’t want someone who sits on the floor and sobs when the washing machine overflows.
We can handle our emotions. We enjoy them, but aren’t driven by them. We can also modulate them. And we are capable of silence for extended periods of time. We are also unlikely to do the thing men dread them most: make them the sole determination of our happiness. (You will see this repeatedly on Internet profiles.)
Now here are some of the latest stats from the AARP. Nearly half the people 40-69 didn’t have a first-date last year. Statistically, of people in their 50s, 15.4% are divorced, 6.25 have never been married, and 4.4% are widowed. This matters because men who remain embittered and terrified of involvement after a divorce, aren’t datable and should be required to wear warning signs of their backs.
Should this discourage you? No. If you’re a winner, if you have your act together, if you aren’t dragging the past around on your own back, there is someone out there looking for you just as hard as you are for them.
Where to look? Start with places you normally go (opera, theater, museums, SCUBA, hiking) just amp it up. Churches with large memberships are also a good choice. Just be awake when you’re there. Internet dating sites also score high. About half the people over 55 believe it’s possible to meet via the internet and fall I love. It happened to me. I know it’s possible. Match.com has 1.5 million members over the age of 50, the fastest-growing group, with a 65% increase last year.
There are sites that sort by any variable you could care about – religion, age, interests, location. Of special interest is http://www.rightstuffdating.com/v_schools.cfm for those who went to pretigious schools. My alma mater made the cut, maybe yours did too.
Good marriages are between equals. Except in fairytales, successful marriage are between people with similar backgrounds and histories. This means, if you aren’t where you want to be, get busy. Get some coaching, get back in shape and have a makeover, take a good nutraceutical and supplement, and enrich the biggest sex organ – your brain. When you fall in love with learning, you never have a broken heart. You also make your heart and mind a lot more attractive to other people.
Dating over 50 is a competitive game. It requires fitness, skills, and a good coach. Even Tyger Woods can improve his swing with the right coach. Your coach can give you a game plan, workable rules, shorten your learning curve, improve your skills, give perspective and increase your stamina and resilience.
When you’ve heard as many stories as I have, you can see the trends and the ins and outs; also the successes. There truly is a lid for every pot. I could mention movies or books, but I’ll go back to the oldest form of enjoyment, opera. It’s been around hundreds of years, for a reason. Go see Mozart’s “Die Zauberflote,” (The Magic Flute). For every Papageno there’s a Papagena, for every Tamino, a Pamina. It is so sweet the way that works. It’s a game you can win, with a good coach.
So, have good cheer, and good luck!
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan offers coaching, Internet courses, a blog for singles, ezines, Arbonne nutraceuticals and safe cosmetics, and ebooks for your relationship and professional success. She trains and certifies Wellness and EQ coaches all over the world, and is the founder of Club Vivo Per Lei/I Live for Music. She is the author of “Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women” and The Rules, a simple and effective system for intelligent midlife dating.
=======
Get prepared for getting out there with a makeover. Arbonne offers top quality, safe products for your personal enhancement. Check out the NutriMinC RE9® System. Buy the whole package because it works together, synergistically.- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating Facial Serum, Day & Night
- NutriMinC® RE9 REactivating, Body Serum
- NutriMinC® RE9 REality SPF 8, Day Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REfinish, Hydrating Body Lotion
- NutriMinC® RE9 REfresh Foaming Body Wash
- NutriMinC® RE9 Release Deep Pore Cleansing Masque
- NutriMinC® RE9 REnewing Gelée Crème, Hydrating Wash
- NutriMinC® RE9 REpair, Corrective Eye Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REpair, REcover Night Crème
- NutriMinC® RE9 REsist Essential Fatty Acid Dietary Supplement
- NutriMinC® RE9 REstoring Mist, Balancing Toner
- NutriMinC® RE9 REveal Facial Scrub
- NutriMinC® RE9 REversing Gelée Transforming Lift
Monday, February 06, 2006
Single for Valentines
We're moving into Valentine's week. If you're single, you may be feeling the pressure - wishing it would all go away. Today's tip -- Focus on the now. Focus on what's positive in your life. Know that it's just a day.
==========
THE BIGGEST TURN-ON OF ALL IS GOOD HEALTH. Prepare for your date and romance with Arbonne - nutraceuticals, costmetics, shaving cream, anti-aging skincare, acne treatment, and hormone replacement.
When you're dating, or flirting, you need to know what to look for. Today's guest article, "Signs of Interest," gives us some helpful hints.
When flirting, you should be on the lookout for signs of interest. If you see at least four of the following signs in the body language of the person you are with, it is likely that they are interested in you, and you are being given a green light to move things further!
1. Lengthy eye contact. Eye contact maintained over a period of four seconds or more is unusual between casual acquaintances or friends, but not amongst lovers; and it can be rather intimidating, but if you are flirting with someone and they know that you could be flirting with them, they are sending you an explicit message with the power of eye contact! This could also come from somebody who hates you, but that is unlikely from a stranger.
2. Mirroring. If your posture tends to be similar to that of the other person and tend to do what you do at about the same time that you do it, they are either consciously or unconsciously developing a rapport with you. You can test this by subtly changing one aspect of your posture (the position of an arm, for example) and noticing whether this change is reflected in the other person during the next minute.
3. Where the body and feet are pointing. If you are with someone who is happy to remain with you at the moment, they will generally speaking have turned to face you. If the person wishes they were somewhere else, they will likely have turned away from you, even if they are facing you; look for the legs and feet pointing somewhere else, perhaps even towards a door. Note that this only applies where you are in a one-on-one situation, and doesn't apply between groups of people.
4. Leaning in towards you. Somebody leaning in towards you is displaying a definite sign of interest, possibly even excitement! This is usually accompanied by open arms and legs. Conversely, somebody leaning away from you, perhaps with their arms and legs crossed, is displaying a lack of interest. If they are leaning in towards you and you do the same, you can be sure that something more is likely to happen, because it is very likely to lead to the next stage!
5. Touch. Firstly, if you are close enough to touch easily then that's a good sign. There are several things to look for. Hands resting across a table, on your side of it, that are close enough to touch, typically from a woman, signify interest; she
doesn't want to touch first, but she would like to be touched! Picking off a piece of lint from clothes, whether it exists or not, is another good sign. Touching upper arms when sitting next to each other where it is not especially crowded is often done. Lingering touches send an even stronger flirting signal!
6. Raising eyebrows upon first meeting. This is usually over very quickly, lasting about a quarter of a second. As it happens on first meeting, you need to be quick to look for this one! The longer it lasts, the more interest lies beneath, as it can last for up to a second.
7. They are looking at your face or body other than your eyes, especially your mouth or your erogenous zones. They are probably imagining what it would be like to kiss that part of you!
About The Author: David Thomas is a web publisher with a wide range of interests, including psychology and dating. He publishes articles like this at http://Flirt-Coach.net which you can view for free, and you can add your own comments, giving further advice and turning it into your web site. It's a great place to learn!
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==========
THE BIGGEST TURN-ON OF ALL IS GOOD HEALTH. Prepare for your date and romance with Arbonne - nutraceuticals, costmetics, shaving cream, anti-aging skincare, acne treatment, and hormone replacement. When you're dating, or flirting, you need to know what to look for. Today's guest article, "Signs of Interest," gives us some helpful hints.
When flirting, you should be on the lookout for signs of interest. If you see at least four of the following signs in the body language of the person you are with, it is likely that they are interested in you, and you are being given a green light to move things further!
1. Lengthy eye contact. Eye contact maintained over a period of four seconds or more is unusual between casual acquaintances or friends, but not amongst lovers; and it can be rather intimidating, but if you are flirting with someone and they know that you could be flirting with them, they are sending you an explicit message with the power of eye contact! This could also come from somebody who hates you, but that is unlikely from a stranger.
2. Mirroring. If your posture tends to be similar to that of the other person and tend to do what you do at about the same time that you do it, they are either consciously or unconsciously developing a rapport with you. You can test this by subtly changing one aspect of your posture (the position of an arm, for example) and noticing whether this change is reflected in the other person during the next minute.
3. Where the body and feet are pointing. If you are with someone who is happy to remain with you at the moment, they will generally speaking have turned to face you. If the person wishes they were somewhere else, they will likely have turned away from you, even if they are facing you; look for the legs and feet pointing somewhere else, perhaps even towards a door. Note that this only applies where you are in a one-on-one situation, and doesn't apply between groups of people.
4. Leaning in towards you. Somebody leaning in towards you is displaying a definite sign of interest, possibly even excitement! This is usually accompanied by open arms and legs. Conversely, somebody leaning away from you, perhaps with their arms and legs crossed, is displaying a lack of interest. If they are leaning in towards you and you do the same, you can be sure that something more is likely to happen, because it is very likely to lead to the next stage!
5. Touch. Firstly, if you are close enough to touch easily then that's a good sign. There are several things to look for. Hands resting across a table, on your side of it, that are close enough to touch, typically from a woman, signify interest; she
doesn't want to touch first, but she would like to be touched! Picking off a piece of lint from clothes, whether it exists or not, is another good sign. Touching upper arms when sitting next to each other where it is not especially crowded is often done. Lingering touches send an even stronger flirting signal!
6. Raising eyebrows upon first meeting. This is usually over very quickly, lasting about a quarter of a second. As it happens on first meeting, you need to be quick to look for this one! The longer it lasts, the more interest lies beneath, as it can last for up to a second.
7. They are looking at your face or body other than your eyes, especially your mouth or your erogenous zones. They are probably imagining what it would be like to kiss that part of you!
About The Author: David Thomas is a web publisher with a wide range of interests, including psychology and dating. He publishes articles like this at http://Flirt-Coach.net which you can view for free, and you can add your own comments, giving further advice and turning it into your web site. It's a great place to learn!
====================
ARBONNE - Prepare for your date and romance with great nutraceuticals, cosmetics, shaving cream, and anti-aging skincare. The biggest turn-on of all is GOOD HEALTH.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Eating Disorders Week
WISHES SHE WERE BLONDBeauty of a Woman
Written by Sam Levinson for his grand-daughter
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed. Never throw anyone out.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, and one for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but the true beauty in woman is reflected in her soul.
It is in the caring that she lovingly gives, that the beauty of a woman grows with passing years.
STATISTICS - A SERIOUS PROBLEM
You're either part of the problem, or part of the solution.
Be aware of what your intentions are.
1. 2 out of 5 women, and 1 out of 5 men would give 3-5 years of their life to achieve their weight goals.
2. In 1970, the average age a girl started dieting in the US was 14. By 1990, the average dieting age had fallen to 8.
3. A study found that women overestimate the size of their hips by 16% and their waists by 25%, yet the same women were able to estimate correctly the width of a box.
4. After viewing images of female fashion models, 7 out of 10 women felt more depressed and angry than prior to vieweing the images.
5. The "ideal" woman, portrayed by models, Miss America, Barbie dolls and movie actresses is 5'5", weighs 100 lbs. and wears a size 5.
6. Young girls in the US who were surveyed were more afraid of becoming fat than they were of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents.
7. A 55 year old woman taken to the ER with a stroke, attributed to her habitual
use of ephedra, said, when cautioned against its continued use: "I don't care.
I'd rather die than be fat." "Why," asked the doctor. "Because my husband will leave me if I get fat," she replied.
8. 1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 4 men are on a diet at any given time. 2/3rds
of dieters regain the weight within one year and virtually all regain it within
5 years.
9. 35% of occasional dieters progress into pathological dieting. The diet industry (diet foods, die programs, diet drugs, etc.) takes in over $40 billion each year and continues to grow.
10. When given pictures, 40% of women chose an ideal body that was 20% underweight, and an additional 44% chose an ideal body that was 10% underweight.
11. The average US woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 lbs. The average US modelis 5'11" and weighs 117 lbs.
12. About 5,000,000 people in the US, most of them teenage girls, have anorexia.
One in 10 die of it, half from suicide, and half from medical complications related to the anorexia.
13. Men account for less than 10% of reported cases of anorexia and bulimia, but this figure is on the increase.
From: BODY AWARENESS as part of their campus Body and the Student Wellness Program.
National Eating Disorders and Body Acceptance Week this year is February 26 - March 4.
At CU-Boulder, the goal is to raise awareness about issues related to body image and eating disorders, explore sources of negative body image, and encourage people to accept all individuals (including themselves) as a whole person regardless of appearance.
RESOURCES:
Check out Dove's wonderful Self-Esteem site.
Dove's REAL BEAUTY Campaign
Beautiful ad for little girls
SHOP HERE FOR SAFE DIET PRODUCTS and DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS for nutrition. ARBONNE. TO YOUR HEALTH
Monday, January 30, 2006
Single for the Holidays
"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
Shop easily with me online at ARBONNE for natural, life affirming, conscious self care products.
DON'T GO ON A DIET. People who go ON diets, go OFF diets.
CHANGE, with ARBONNE. Figure 8 Weight Loss.
susan dunn, ma
210.496.0678
www.susandunn.cc
Club Vivo Per Lei/I Live for Music
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WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THIS: To counteract "the most depressing day of the year," noW there is "Belly Laugh Day." Because the most depressing day of the year is the one in which you don't laugh. Check it out and be ready for January 2007: www.bellylaughday.com
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Romance and Happy Marriage Myths
ROMANCE AND HAPPY MARRIAGE MYTHSThis is such a nice little article. What goes around comes around!
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The institution of marriage is surrounded by a number of myths,stories and advice freely offered by people on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, many people listen to and believe these pieces of so-called wisdom to the point where it doesn't help their marriage and it only hinders its growth.
Many of the myths regarding relationships are incredibly damaging and it is unfortunate that they are such common beliefs. Once you understand why certain bits of advice or information can be regarded as myths, you can break through what could be blocking the growth of your marriage.
In fact, you may actually learn to appreciate your spouse and your role in your marriage even more.
Sensationalist television, magazines and talk radio have been key players when it comes to fueling any belief that there is a battle between the sexes happening.
While there are definitively some physical and psychological differences, they are not enough to earn the term 'battle' as a description.
When you allow yourself to consider any kind of battle between the sexes, you risk grouping all men or all women into a certain category and that leads to Stereotyping.
Once you recognize that your partner is a unique individual with a number of positive attributes, you can shed the thought that there should be any type of conflict between the two of you.
Any thought of battle or conflict only leads to lack of communication, misunderstandings and discourages growth in any relationship.
Nice guys finish last is one of the worst possible sayings floating around today.
Whoever thought of that and actually uttered those words must have been feeling truly low and full of self-pity because there simply cannot be any other explanation. Nice guys never finish last.
They may have a longer and harder road sometimes, but it isn't often that you see the bullies and jerks finishing first. If they aren't, who is? It's the nice guys, but they are so nice and gracious you don't hear them bragging about it.
It is also important to note that the word 'nice' doesn't mean 'weak' or ' effeminate' in any way. Nice means socially or conventionally correct; refined or virtuous and not at all negative in any way.
Nice is not another word for push over or spineless. Nice is as close to a 'perfect' man as you can come and they always end up first in line.
Romance is all you need in order to save your relationship is a wonderfully optimistic thought, but not quite accurate.
If simple romance were enough to save a marriage, it would be running wonderfully rampant throughout the world today. Unfortunately, it takes more than simple romance.
If you truly feel love for your spouse and you are expressing it through romance, then it will save your marriage. If you are trying to use romance to buy some time or to placate your spouse, then you are only buying time or placating your spouse.
Your time as a married couple is most likely limited and should be attended to immediately by a professional.
About The Author: How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit:
marriage-problems.
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Saturday, January 28, 2006
Dating Tips-How to Meet New People
DATING TIPS: HOW TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. GETTING OUT.There is a saying that claims that you can meet the love of your life everywhere. Even in line in the supermarket, or in a gas station. This is basically true, with just one condition: that you are everywhere.
In order to meet new people you need, for a start, to be around people. You have to get out of your home/office and start interacting. This, of course, doesn't mean that you have to start wearing your best outfit every time you take out the garbage, but it would certainly help to give a quick glance in the mirror before you leave the house and make sure that your hair isn't raging and that there are no leftovers from lunch stuck between your teeth.
Ok, now that you are out, you can start looking. In other words: keep your eyes open. Don't stare at people, and don't give creepy looks to young innocent children, but just look around to explore the world around you.
You might wonder how exactly you can find a relationship this way. Well, once you are open towards the beauties of world, the world opens up to you too. If you don't shut yourself up (with your cell phone, walkman, or even sunglasses) and pay Attention to everything that surrounds you, you will notice fascinating Opportunities that might eventually lead you to even greater
things, and one of those things can be your one true love. (You may also find a new job, come across a new hobby, and make a significant amount of new friends along the way - that is not so bad too.)
The key is openness. Not only keeping your eyes open, but your mind as well. Don't disqualify unfamiliar things before you check them, don't judge every stranger that sits next to you in the bus station in the most severe manner. Welcome all the
beauty and the wanders of the world that surrounds you and you will be surprised to find out the richness it has to offer.
About The Author: Find out reviews of the best online dating services on - ONLINE DATING . Find more precious information about dating here.
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Valentine Resources
VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING ... ARE YOU PREPARED? Here are some resources for you. Article about Single Parents on Valentine's Day
Is music the most important part of a romantic Valentine's celebration? You be the judge. Check out the romantic classical music selections and opera** at Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music romantic music to set the mood. Join Club Vivo. It's free.
**Opera has been around longer than most institutions. Are you curious to know why?
Check out The Top 11 Valentine Gifts. You may find some surprises here.
Looking for Last Minute Valentine Gifts. Jewelry, massages oils, flowers and the like.
Now here's something everyone can use. Learn it now, for when that relationship you've been looking for comes your way. Take the 10 Weeks to A Better Relationship Course It's free.
They say: "This is a step-by-step course that can help the two of you enhance your marriage relationship. Find out why expectations and myths can harm your marriage. Learn how to fight fairly. Check out ways to celebrate your coupleness. Watch movies together. Take the 90-day dialogue challenge. This is a ten-week course, delivered once each week."
You-know-what always needs to be surrounded with plain pure love and affection. Read my ebook How to Sensualize Your Relationship and be prepared next time.
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
Is there Bullying in Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott's Office (UK)?
BULLYING IS SUCH AN UGLY THING. It's especially hard when you're single, and come home to an empty house, or your beloved children, but no adult support. Le mobbing est un poison lent
Mobbing ist ein leises Gift Zuletzt geändert
The Germans and the French call it "the slow poison."
“Mobbing can be understood as the stressor to beat all stressors,” says Dr. Kenneth Westhaus, U. of Waterloo, author of “Eliminating Professors.” According to him, the typical mob victim is a good-to-high achiever personally invested in a formally secure job who somehow threatens or shames co--workers or managers who then decide to get rid of him or her.
However, bullying is complex, and there are other reasons.
I coach clients on mobbing and bullying, both the abused, and the managers who are trying to identify it early and get rid of it. In my experience, it is often the best workers, serious people, introverts, just plain nice people. When it rears its ugly head, it upsets other workers, demoralizes, demeans, lowers productivity, causes lack of focus, raises stress, and causes increased illness, absenteeism and "presenteeism."
At the human level, it's wrong, wrong to treat people that way. At the corporate level, it can lead to exposure, and if the reputation is established cause current good employees to leave (wouldn't you?) and drive good applicants away. Word gets around, you know. As I was explaining to an HR manager the other day, "No, it is not a 'just get over it' kind of thing."
Has it happened to you? Is it happening to you now? Why does it happen? Read my article, Mobbing & Bullying in the Workplace: Has This Happened to You?
We believe, along with bullying.org that "Everyone has the right to be respected and the responsiblity to respect others."
Read my ebook: "Mobbing, Bullying and What to Do About It"
Today from BBC -- MPs on the committee which covers the work of the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (OPDM) in the UK are demanding action after Deputy PM John Prescott's department was accused of bullying, with one in 10 workers claiming to have been victimised in the past year.
22% say they've witness unfair behavior.
FROM THE ARTICLE:
"The survey results were revealed in the annual report and accounts of the ODPM, which covers housing, planning, local government and the regions.
"The department should take steps immediately to reinforce the message that bullying and intimidation is unacceptable
"ODPM COMMITTEE REPORT
"The survey found 10% of staff felt they had been bullied in the past year, 8% had experienced discrimination and 6% reported harassment.
"Some 22% of staff had witnessed unfair treatment and a larger proportion of black or black British staff (14%) had experienced discrimination than other staff.
"The survey also found disabled people were more likely to have suffered discrimination and revealed that a third of staff did not know how to report unfair treatment."
The UK and European Union are definitely ahead in the area of bullying and mobbing. There is even a clinic in German that deals exclusively with victims of mobbing and bullying.
To read the whole article go here.
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If this is happening to you and you would like some coaching, please give me a call at 210-496-0678 or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . When someone's being mobbed or bullied, you can't think straight - that's part of the strategy. It helps to have an objective person to help give clarification and strategy, someone who's in your corner.
Resources & Information:
jfo.org.uk
Stop Bullying Now
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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Want to Write a Book?
As a single, you probably have a fascinating life. This is a great article about publishing and writing books.
More people every day want to write a book. This article is full of information about book writing and the industry of selling books.
Interview with Penguin Publisher
by Sharif Khan
Mr. David Davidar began his career in journalism and is founder of Penguin Books India. Currently, he is Publisher of Penguin Canada and also is author of the novel, The House of Blue Mangoes.
How did you first get started in the publishing business?
Twenty years ago I was working in Bombay and there was a colleague I knew who had done a publishing course at Harvard. And she said, "Why don't you go there and check it out?" So I came to the States, and I did the course, and at the course was Peter
Mayer, Chairman of Penguin world-wide. He said, "Look you're from India?" (I said "yeah"). He said he was thinking of starting a company in India and asked me, "Would you like to run it?"
I was then twenty-six years old, I'd never done a publishing company in my life, I had little or no idea, but when you're twenty-six years old sometimes you're foolishly confident about your abilities, so I said "yes." I went to Delhi where the office was going to be and I had never been there before, starting from Cambridge, Massachusetts to Delhi - and there was nothing there. There were exactly 3 employees in the first year of operations and they invested ten thousand US dollars in the company in 1986. And that was it... Now Penguin India is Asia's largest English
publishing company and has done over 10 million dollars in sales. It was quite an interesting experience and I had a ball! It kept growing and growing. It's so fascinating... Now every multinational is in India. Penguin was the first.
What project are you particularly proud of as a publisher?
The fact of having created this company (Penguin India). We publish 200 books a year in India in the English language now. We've started publishing in 4 or 5 languages other than English (the first time Penguin has published in any other languages) and
will be 25 years old in five years. Its just been a win-win situation because when we started, it coincided with the boom in Indians becoming global superstars like Vikram Seth, Arundathi Roy, and Upamanyu Chaterji, etc., etc., etc... The whole lot... so it is the #1 company by a long stretch and so that is my greatest pride because I started out as an editor but am now trying to develop companies and just the fact of helping create Penguin India has been enormously satisfying.
Can you tell us about the BUSINESS of publishing? (I think for most people it's a mystery veiled in secrecy and delusions of grandeur).
There is the myth that if you write a novel you'll become rich, famous, attractive to women, or whatever the case may be, but I think that's largely a myth. Very few books break out in a way such as God of Small Things and A Suitable Boy did because its only 1% who get to superstardom because they won a big prize or it's an amazing book and enough readers caught on to the fact. But think of the odds... There are about 100,000 books published every year. How on earth are you going to get each of those books to a reader's attention! Let's say you walk into a bookstore, you
face the first novel that appears and you have no idea what it's about. There is so much competing for your attention. Most novels sell only about 400 or 500 copies. If it's a good seller it will sell 5000 copies if it won an award and got great reviews. It is only superstars that sell more and superstars are very few and
every one knows who they are. The question we need to ask is why are there so few superstars? Why isn't every writer published famous? There isn't enough attention available for these writers. So that TV time, radio time, bookstore sales, all mitigate against every writer getting in.
Two or three industries suffer from the same thing, movie and TV, and music being closest to the book industry. Think of the tens of thousands of artists who've produced CDs and nobody's heard of them, and nobody will hear of them because that is the way the system works. So what happens say if you've written a book and
you approach a publisher? Well normally you approach the publishing house through a literary agent because they are the top filter, and a top agent comes to me and says this is a wonderful book... I'll say I'll read it. But if you approach me directly you probably won't get through many of the sieves... there are assistants, there are people in the mailroom, and there are book manuscripts at the back because of overflow... everyone thinks they can write a book!
Finding a good agent is becoming increasingly tough because they too are inundated with manuscripts as well. The agent comes to us generating interest in a book and we have special editors, one specializes in Canadian writers; she says okay or no, I like it or don't like it. The book is brought to a meeting where she says she wants to pay this kind of money. You have a price on this book say $35 dollars, so the author will get a percentage royalty on every book sold. For a 10% royalty you will get $3.5 dollars on every copy sold. So what we will do, is advance the author,
through his or her agent x amount of money, say $35,000 dollars because we expect to sell 5,000 or 6,000 hardback and 10,000 copies in paperback, so we figure its worth about $35,000. So it's not an outright gift... it's an advance against royalties.
Then hopefully the book is published and lives up to expectations and earns out and the response is we're happy, the author is happy, and the agent is happy... but in 90% of the cases it doesn't earn out the advance and so you're in trouble. Of the 100 books published in Canada, I expect 20 books to support the rest.
Where do you see the Canadian publishing industry heading? How does it compare with what's happening in the Indian publishing industry?
Canada has certain problems and certain advantages like many markets in the world. I'll deal with the problem first. It's a small market. It's 35 million of which 5 million are French speakers, so you can't do much with that size of market. Whereas
America is 200 million plus, UK is over 60 million, Australia is really small, about 20 million. So tens of thousands of books are jostling for attention in this country. Plus you have the major superstore Indigo Chapters which controls over 50% of market, so if they don't support a book it's dead in the water. And there is
immense pressure on them as well because there are so many books pouring in. So these are the problems people have to deal with including the fact that there are lots of writers, agents, lots of publishing houses, everyone competing for that elusive customer. Fortunately, Canadians read quite a lot, but they don't read enough to make everyone prosperous. It is probably very difficult for a writer to break out in a major way unless you are someone like Yan Martel, Michael Ondaatje, Rohinton Mistry, Margaret Attwood, etc., these are people already established and
are stars because they've built up over period of time. Beyond that, it's very tough to break through.
On the positive side, because of the way Canada has been encouraging immigration for the last 30 years, you have the whole world sitting here, and so Canada's stories are quite fresh; whereas writing about one's experiences living in Mississauga
that's where a lot of these books get bogged down because if your domestic experience is not interesting, how will you make your book interesting? Your life is interesting to friends, family, and about a 100 people who know you. That is were most first novels fail because they are so autobiographical, instead of trying to sell a story. Why would people want to read a book unless they're interested in your life?
The interesting thing here is you have people from Somalia, Kosovo, Taiwan, India, and they're all writing books about their own experiences and that's what makes it interesting. So I think Canada has a great future about the stories its writers are
starting to tell. And it is a very good domestic market for its size because per capita people read a lot more here than other countries.
I was once asked at the Canada Book Expo, where I was giving a presentation, what advice can I give aspiring writers. My reply is they should always take risks. There's no point in writing a small, safe, book... it just disappears. Take risk! What do you have to lose? Stretch yourself, write a big, huge, ambitious book! And those are the books that always leave a mark because there's so few around.
The Indian publishing scene in 20 years will be the second or third largest in the world overtaking Canada and Australia; I'm talking about English language publishing. I've heard there are about 300 million Indians using some form of English, so they've already taken over the US and UK, but for the publishing industry you need to use English as first language or frequently because otherwise you're not going to go to the bookstore to buy a book. You might go to a street fair, but you're not my market. That's going to take a while. I think today there are 7 to 8 million Indians who use English effortlessly, so that's about the size of
New Zealand, but because you have next generation teenagers and young people learning English at the speed of light, they are going to join the market in another 5 to 10 years; this generation will continue to be the market, and there's going to
be bit of the previous generation also in the market, so from about 7 to 8 million India will go to 30 to 40 million in the space of 15 to 20 years which means it's just going to explode. It's already the fastest growing market in the world and it's a huge market. Penguin India is fortunate, we came in the beginning so we got in on the ground floor; all we need is to reap the benefits of our earlier labor because this market is growing, while the Canadian market is pretty much static. However, it is growing through some immigration. That is why Canada needs to look out for itself constantly and build its strengths to the world if it's going to keep its economy and lifestyle going.
Who are your heroes?
I started out with heroes and along the way you lose the need to have heroes. I greatly admire my mentor, Peter Mayer, former Chairman of Penguin, Sunny Mehta, who runs Knopf... I greatly admire writers like Vikram Seth, Arundathi Roy, Ondaatje,
Rohinton Mistry... but at some point in your life you stop having heroes. You figure everyone does their best, some people have luck on their side, some people have some advantages, but everyone's a hero.
What makes them heroes in your mind?
They are exceptionally talented, and they have arrived... You know, I was reading a poem by Rudyard Kipling which goes, "If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, yours is the Earth and everything that's in it... " Which means you do your best every single moment you can, and if you happen to have the talent as well, then you get to a stage where you are slightly set apart from your peers because you have done things that it is not possible for them to do.
So for example, you have great artists, like the South African writer Coetzee; they've written novels that's not possible for average novelists to write because of their level of skill and level of perception. Why do you read a novel today? You have so many sources to choose from. The reason I think you read a novel today is because the greatest novels give you more truth than non-fiction. Non-fiction is information, non-fiction is argument... The Economist will give you insights, but what fiction gives you is insights into the human condition, the great fiction, not the hundred thousand novels that are published every year. There are very few books like Disgrace or A Suitable Boy or 100 Years of Solitude, my personal favorites, which raise the bar. If you can't do that, why bother? So that's why they are my
heroes.
In terms of publishing, Sunny and Peter have pushed the boundaries of the publishing business and tried to innovate. Anyone who pushes the boundaries needs to be admired. Whether you are a business person, an athlete, or whatever, you need to push the boundaries instead of merely existing. Pearson, the company that owns Penguin, its vision is you need to be "Brave, Imaginative, and Decent." Which are interesting words that carry a lot of meaning, and is what I look for in people. There's lots of people that don't get opportunities, lots of people face much competition, maybe their home situation isn't so great, maybe their work situation isn't so great, so their kind of stuck... but I think people make their own destiny don't they? Yeah, I admire people, but if you ask me whether I have heroes today -
probably not.
Do you have a dream or vision that guides the course of your life?
The thing about vision is it needs to be renewed every day. Because at the end of the day, what does a person want to do? You have a set path which clarifies itself as you go along. You have a set path - this is what I do, this is what I'm good at, and how can I use this to influence events and people within my ambit? And I think narrowly defined within my job description, my vision for Penguin India was to give India a world-class publishing company. I think that vision has been achieved. My vision of Penguin Canada is to make it the best company of its size anywhere in the world.
You only have one chance, make the best of it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharif Khan (http://www.herosoul.com; sharif@herosoul.com) is a freelance writer, motivational speaker, coach, and author of Psychology of the Hero Soul, an inspirational book on awakening the hero within and developing people's leadership potential. He provides inspirational keynotes and leadership seminars and also helps companies develop empowering content through his copywriting services. To contact Sharif directly, call (416) 417-1259.
More people every day want to write a book. This article is full of information about book writing and the industry of selling books.
Interview with Penguin Publisher
by Sharif Khan
Mr. David Davidar began his career in journalism and is founder of Penguin Books India. Currently, he is Publisher of Penguin Canada and also is author of the novel, The House of Blue Mangoes.
How did you first get started in the publishing business?
Twenty years ago I was working in Bombay and there was a colleague I knew who had done a publishing course at Harvard. And she said, "Why don't you go there and check it out?" So I came to the States, and I did the course, and at the course was Peter
Mayer, Chairman of Penguin world-wide. He said, "Look you're from India?" (I said "yeah"). He said he was thinking of starting a company in India and asked me, "Would you like to run it?"
I was then twenty-six years old, I'd never done a publishing company in my life, I had little or no idea, but when you're twenty-six years old sometimes you're foolishly confident about your abilities, so I said "yes." I went to Delhi where the office was going to be and I had never been there before, starting from Cambridge, Massachusetts to Delhi - and there was nothing there. There were exactly 3 employees in the first year of operations and they invested ten thousand US dollars in the company in 1986. And that was it... Now Penguin India is Asia's largest English
publishing company and has done over 10 million dollars in sales. It was quite an interesting experience and I had a ball! It kept growing and growing. It's so fascinating... Now every multinational is in India. Penguin was the first.
What project are you particularly proud of as a publisher?
The fact of having created this company (Penguin India). We publish 200 books a year in India in the English language now. We've started publishing in 4 or 5 languages other than English (the first time Penguin has published in any other languages) and
will be 25 years old in five years. Its just been a win-win situation because when we started, it coincided with the boom in Indians becoming global superstars like Vikram Seth, Arundathi Roy, and Upamanyu Chaterji, etc., etc., etc... The whole lot... so it is the #1 company by a long stretch and so that is my greatest pride because I started out as an editor but am now trying to develop companies and just the fact of helping create Penguin India has been enormously satisfying.
Can you tell us about the BUSINESS of publishing? (I think for most people it's a mystery veiled in secrecy and delusions of grandeur).
There is the myth that if you write a novel you'll become rich, famous, attractive to women, or whatever the case may be, but I think that's largely a myth. Very few books break out in a way such as God of Small Things and A Suitable Boy did because its only 1% who get to superstardom because they won a big prize or it's an amazing book and enough readers caught on to the fact. But think of the odds... There are about 100,000 books published every year. How on earth are you going to get each of those books to a reader's attention! Let's say you walk into a bookstore, you
face the first novel that appears and you have no idea what it's about. There is so much competing for your attention. Most novels sell only about 400 or 500 copies. If it's a good seller it will sell 5000 copies if it won an award and got great reviews. It is only superstars that sell more and superstars are very few and
every one knows who they are. The question we need to ask is why are there so few superstars? Why isn't every writer published famous? There isn't enough attention available for these writers. So that TV time, radio time, bookstore sales, all mitigate against every writer getting in.
Two or three industries suffer from the same thing, movie and TV, and music being closest to the book industry. Think of the tens of thousands of artists who've produced CDs and nobody's heard of them, and nobody will hear of them because that is the way the system works. So what happens say if you've written a book and
you approach a publisher? Well normally you approach the publishing house through a literary agent because they are the top filter, and a top agent comes to me and says this is a wonderful book... I'll say I'll read it. But if you approach me directly you probably won't get through many of the sieves... there are assistants, there are people in the mailroom, and there are book manuscripts at the back because of overflow... everyone thinks they can write a book!
Finding a good agent is becoming increasingly tough because they too are inundated with manuscripts as well. The agent comes to us generating interest in a book and we have special editors, one specializes in Canadian writers; she says okay or no, I like it or don't like it. The book is brought to a meeting where she says she wants to pay this kind of money. You have a price on this book say $35 dollars, so the author will get a percentage royalty on every book sold. For a 10% royalty you will get $3.5 dollars on every copy sold. So what we will do, is advance the author,
through his or her agent x amount of money, say $35,000 dollars because we expect to sell 5,000 or 6,000 hardback and 10,000 copies in paperback, so we figure its worth about $35,000. So it's not an outright gift... it's an advance against royalties.
Then hopefully the book is published and lives up to expectations and earns out and the response is we're happy, the author is happy, and the agent is happy... but in 90% of the cases it doesn't earn out the advance and so you're in trouble. Of the 100 books published in Canada, I expect 20 books to support the rest.
Where do you see the Canadian publishing industry heading? How does it compare with what's happening in the Indian publishing industry?
Canada has certain problems and certain advantages like many markets in the world. I'll deal with the problem first. It's a small market. It's 35 million of which 5 million are French speakers, so you can't do much with that size of market. Whereas
America is 200 million plus, UK is over 60 million, Australia is really small, about 20 million. So tens of thousands of books are jostling for attention in this country. Plus you have the major superstore Indigo Chapters which controls over 50% of market, so if they don't support a book it's dead in the water. And there is
immense pressure on them as well because there are so many books pouring in. So these are the problems people have to deal with including the fact that there are lots of writers, agents, lots of publishing houses, everyone competing for that elusive customer. Fortunately, Canadians read quite a lot, but they don't read enough to make everyone prosperous. It is probably very difficult for a writer to break out in a major way unless you are someone like Yan Martel, Michael Ondaatje, Rohinton Mistry, Margaret Attwood, etc., these are people already established and
are stars because they've built up over period of time. Beyond that, it's very tough to break through.
On the positive side, because of the way Canada has been encouraging immigration for the last 30 years, you have the whole world sitting here, and so Canada's stories are quite fresh; whereas writing about one's experiences living in Mississauga
that's where a lot of these books get bogged down because if your domestic experience is not interesting, how will you make your book interesting? Your life is interesting to friends, family, and about a 100 people who know you. That is were most first novels fail because they are so autobiographical, instead of trying to sell a story. Why would people want to read a book unless they're interested in your life?
The interesting thing here is you have people from Somalia, Kosovo, Taiwan, India, and they're all writing books about their own experiences and that's what makes it interesting. So I think Canada has a great future about the stories its writers are
starting to tell. And it is a very good domestic market for its size because per capita people read a lot more here than other countries.
I was once asked at the Canada Book Expo, where I was giving a presentation, what advice can I give aspiring writers. My reply is they should always take risks. There's no point in writing a small, safe, book... it just disappears. Take risk! What do you have to lose? Stretch yourself, write a big, huge, ambitious book! And those are the books that always leave a mark because there's so few around.
The Indian publishing scene in 20 years will be the second or third largest in the world overtaking Canada and Australia; I'm talking about English language publishing. I've heard there are about 300 million Indians using some form of English, so they've already taken over the US and UK, but for the publishing industry you need to use English as first language or frequently because otherwise you're not going to go to the bookstore to buy a book. You might go to a street fair, but you're not my market. That's going to take a while. I think today there are 7 to 8 million Indians who use English effortlessly, so that's about the size of
New Zealand, but because you have next generation teenagers and young people learning English at the speed of light, they are going to join the market in another 5 to 10 years; this generation will continue to be the market, and there's going to
be bit of the previous generation also in the market, so from about 7 to 8 million India will go to 30 to 40 million in the space of 15 to 20 years which means it's just going to explode. It's already the fastest growing market in the world and it's a huge market. Penguin India is fortunate, we came in the beginning so we got in on the ground floor; all we need is to reap the benefits of our earlier labor because this market is growing, while the Canadian market is pretty much static. However, it is growing through some immigration. That is why Canada needs to look out for itself constantly and build its strengths to the world if it's going to keep its economy and lifestyle going.
Who are your heroes?
I started out with heroes and along the way you lose the need to have heroes. I greatly admire my mentor, Peter Mayer, former Chairman of Penguin, Sunny Mehta, who runs Knopf... I greatly admire writers like Vikram Seth, Arundathi Roy, Ondaatje,
Rohinton Mistry... but at some point in your life you stop having heroes. You figure everyone does their best, some people have luck on their side, some people have some advantages, but everyone's a hero.
What makes them heroes in your mind?
They are exceptionally talented, and they have arrived... You know, I was reading a poem by Rudyard Kipling which goes, "If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, yours is the Earth and everything that's in it... " Which means you do your best every single moment you can, and if you happen to have the talent as well, then you get to a stage where you are slightly set apart from your peers because you have done things that it is not possible for them to do.
So for example, you have great artists, like the South African writer Coetzee; they've written novels that's not possible for average novelists to write because of their level of skill and level of perception. Why do you read a novel today? You have so many sources to choose from. The reason I think you read a novel today is because the greatest novels give you more truth than non-fiction. Non-fiction is information, non-fiction is argument... The Economist will give you insights, but what fiction gives you is insights into the human condition, the great fiction, not the hundred thousand novels that are published every year. There are very few books like Disgrace or A Suitable Boy or 100 Years of Solitude, my personal favorites, which raise the bar. If you can't do that, why bother? So that's why they are my
heroes.
In terms of publishing, Sunny and Peter have pushed the boundaries of the publishing business and tried to innovate. Anyone who pushes the boundaries needs to be admired. Whether you are a business person, an athlete, or whatever, you need to push the boundaries instead of merely existing. Pearson, the company that owns Penguin, its vision is you need to be "Brave, Imaginative, and Decent." Which are interesting words that carry a lot of meaning, and is what I look for in people. There's lots of people that don't get opportunities, lots of people face much competition, maybe their home situation isn't so great, maybe their work situation isn't so great, so their kind of stuck... but I think people make their own destiny don't they? Yeah, I admire people, but if you ask me whether I have heroes today -
probably not.
Do you have a dream or vision that guides the course of your life?
The thing about vision is it needs to be renewed every day. Because at the end of the day, what does a person want to do? You have a set path which clarifies itself as you go along. You have a set path - this is what I do, this is what I'm good at, and how can I use this to influence events and people within my ambit? And I think narrowly defined within my job description, my vision for Penguin India was to give India a world-class publishing company. I think that vision has been achieved. My vision of Penguin Canada is to make it the best company of its size anywhere in the world.
You only have one chance, make the best of it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharif Khan (http://www.herosoul.com; sharif@herosoul.com) is a freelance writer, motivational speaker, coach, and author of Psychology of the Hero Soul, an inspirational book on awakening the hero within and developing people's leadership potential. He provides inspirational keynotes and leadership seminars and also helps companies develop empowering content through his copywriting services. To contact Sharif directly, call (416) 417-1259.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Valentine Resources
VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING ... ARE YOU PREPARED? Here are some resources for you. Article about Single Parents on Valentine's Day
Is music the most important part of a romantic Valentine's celebration? You be the judge. Check out the romantic classical music selections and opera** at Club Vivo Per Lei / I Live for Music romantic music to set the mood. Join Club Vivo. It's free.
**Opera has been around longer than most institutions. Are you curious to know why?
Check out The Top 11 Valentine Gifts. You may find some surprises here.
Looking for Last Minute Valentine Gifts. Jewelry, massages oils, flowers and the like.
Now here's something everyone can use. Learn it now, for when that relationship you've been looking for comes your way. Take the 10 Weeks to A Better Relationship Course It's free.
They say: "This is a step-by-step course that can help the two of you enhance your marriage relationship. Find out why expectations and myths can harm your marriage. Learn how to fight fairly. Check out ways to celebrate your coupleness. Watch movies together. Take the 90-day dialogue challenge. This is a ten-week course, delivered once each week."
You-know-what always needs to be surrounded with plain pure love and affection. Read my ebook How to Sensualize Your Relationship and be prepared next time.
==========
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I'm Dating on the Internet, Are You?
IS HE FEEDING YOU A LINE??I'm dating on the Internet, are you? My friend and fellow coach, Nancy, and I are collecting initial emails. Virtual "lines," if you will. Some you just know are being mass-emailed.
VIRTUAL "LINES" with my comments in paren
Are you always this hot? Your burning up my screen. (misspelledtoo!) [This is a mass-mailing. How do I know? Because he can't keep track and has sent it to me three times in the past 6 months!!!)
A man could get lost in those eyes. [Sweet guy. This was via IM]
You have what I'm looking for. Take a look at my profile and see if you're interested. [I don't like taking orders. That sounds like "Get me a beer." I like the man to do the work early-on. I think this is mass-produced.]
Foxy lady. [please]
Can those eyes be real? [This is coming up a lot for me. Must be that Glamour Photo!]
Write me if you're interested. [No way. Mass-produced by a lazy guy.]
Tell us some you've written, or are getting, and what the response has been. Do you send them out en masse? Do you actually read the man or woman's profile? Let us know.
I must say you're very attractive. I keep coming back. [Nice, I don't think it's mass-produced, but it also a passive statement. While I don't like marching orders, I like a guy who is self-assured enough to assert himself ... like, I'm glad he keeps coming back to look at my photo, but that's like a nice porn site, not dating.]
Email me if you're not an addict, mean-spirited, gold-digging... [It goes on and on. Don't they realize when they write like this it's like saying 'I'm so stupid I've been involved with addicts, mean-spirited people, gold-diggers...' This is a statement about THEM, not anyone else. Immmediate "delete."
I'm new at this. You see, my wife died about two months ago. We were married for 25 years... [It goes on. He has my sympathy, of course, but no way do you date someone so fresh in widowerhood. They are not emotionally available. I'm sure it was personal, not mass produce, and that he's taking that much time (long email) with any number of other women on the site, because he's so lonely, lost, scared and grieving. Sorry, but I want the full-meal deal. I'll pass on this one.]
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Allergy Capital of the Nation
OVERWHELMED? Stress can make you sick. Try a prescription of emotional intelligence and nutraceuticals!San Antonio, where I live, is currently one of the allergy hotspots in the nation. Many people are coming down with bronchitis, and even pneumonia. I stay well with Arbonne NUTRACEUTICALS. I recommend DefenseBuilder.
==================
"WHEN PURE SINCERITY FORMS WITHIN, IT IS OUTWARDLY REALIZED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HEARTS." -Lao Tzu
We know we attract what we put out there. If you want to change your WORLD, change YOU.
I hear this from clients all the time after they've taken the EQ Alive! Program - -"My whole life has changed."
If you're looking for a new you in the new year, how about coaching? It will speed up your progress.
If you've been putting the same things on your list of resolutions each year, or if you've already broken this year's, isn't that a clue that you need something different. Try coaching! That's what coaching is for.
A new you can start with your makeup. Take a look HERE for the help you need. Arbonne has makeup that can enhance your appearance on the outside as you change on the inside. Arbonne products have pure, natural ingredients, and this is crucial because what you put on your skin is absorbed into your blood stream.
Arbonne also offers a full Figure 8 Weight Loss System
And don't forget those all important nutraceuticals while you're getting in shape. We study EQ for Whole-Health - - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Our emotions effect our immune system, and our immune system is our health. Arbonne's nutraceuticals will help you get well and stay well.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Woody Allen's Match Point
EQ and ARBONNE ... FOR YOUR HEALTH===========================
OF MEN AND WOMEN, GOOD AND EVIL, EQ AND IQThere is so much food for thought in this article, and a call, in it's own way for emotional intelligence. "...[T]o be lost in an intellectual fog, trying to reason out the nature of things far larger than our minds. The intellect cannot go there, is the wrong tool..." writes Steven Barnes, in "Woody Allen's 'Match Point' (2005)".
The very first line I ever heard Woody Allen speak was a joke on the Tonight show concerning theological issues, about how, during a divinity test, he cheated by "looking into the soul of the girl sitting next to me." I believe that he used a clip from such a stand up routine in one of his films, perhaps Annie Hall. I honestly don't remember. For decades, Woody has intertwined several basic themes: love and its yearnings. Faith. Talent and success. Human evil and the absence of God in the universe. And he does that thing that humor does: takes pain and fear, turns
them inside out and makes us laugh. But behind the laughter has always been an extraordinarily keen mind and a troubled spirit.
Most of us agree that his marriage to his own step-daughter was a sign of a damaged psyche. Of course, he'd been warning us for decades that he was damaged goods, hadn't he? It wasn't until "Bullets Over Broadway" in which a murderous hit-man is
revealed as a theatrical genius, did it finally hit me that he was obsessed with the question of why evil is not punished in the universe. Why, in fact, success seems to have no connection to the purity of the soul.
In "Crimes and Misdemeaners" he went further, encouraging us to empathize with a man capable of a terrible act.but that film sat on the fence, allowing us to argue about the right and wrong of things, rather than focusing us on the core question which has
obviously chewed at his heart and mind since childhood.
No such mistake in "Match Point." In this film, which I consider one of his very best ever, he tells the story of a social-climbing tennis pro (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) who marries the boss's daughter (Chloe Hewett Wilton) while harboring a passion for his future sister-in-law (Scarlett Johanssen). The bedroom farce takes a rather dark turn (to say the least), leading to an action which very few people could find other
than utterly reprehensible on every conceivable level. And to a diabolically clever ending. The theme, announced from the very beginning is that few of us want to face the fact that so much of life is based on luck. Specifically, luck as opposed to
merit.
But to skip over all further plot details to address this theme, I think it's something of an Easter Egg. Look deeper, and the question is not merely one of luck, but one that asks: "Is there a God in the Universe? If so, what is His nature, and
why is he silent?"
I can't help but think that Woody is asking the wrong question. If, as I suspect, on one level he believes human beings are shallow and evil, and that he himself has achieved massive wealth and fame while deeply flawed and (he suspects) evil in his personal life, then where is the justice in the universe.
First of all, with this film, I found myself believing that Allen is a good man. Flawed, but good. The nature of the questions he has been asking his entire life, as opposed to what we know of his personal life, leads me to think him damaged but not damned. Just a personal opinion.
Secondly, I think that the key is not in "why are the wicked not punished" but the question "what is the nature of a good, successful life"? He has taken a perfectly reasonable approach: a beautiful spouse, wealth, health, public acclaim are a good
life. That evil men and women can achieve this must be deeply troubling to him.
And troubles me not at all. It is possible of course that it is MY philosophy that is shallow, and his that cuts deep. I won't be self-congratulatory, or dogmatic enough to pat myself on the back, but I must stake out a position.
So here it is. I think that external measurements of success are wonderful, but ultimately satisfying only if they match our internal values. And from the cradle, we crave connection to love, to warmth, to that total acceptance we felt from our
mothers, in the womb if nowhere else. And that this craving is totally unconscious, and that we spend the rest of our lives attempting to regain it.
When we sense that our own values and actions could be replicated by the entire world, to its benefit, I think that there is a sense of peace that simply cannot be put into words, a state of grace, of joy that those who have not experienced simply cannot believe in-as sociopaths cannot believe that human beings genuinely experience love and caring for one another. Such poor souls circle in the outer darkness. Say "I love you" to them, and they think "if only you knew what I really was, you wouldn't say that." Or worse, they think "poor, deluded fool, to feel such trivial, false emotions."
Of COURSE it is possible to achieve acclaim, and fame, and health, and hot sex and be evil. Evil is a judgment about things on a spiritual level, not on the level of business (although in general, honesty pays in business) or marriage contracts (you can lie and cheat, and your mate may never discover it) or fitness/health (I've known tremendously fit and long-lived people who were monsters).
Yet and still, Lifewriting asks us to embrace these three qualities as markers of inner worth. Why? Because they are the best, simplest external markers I know of. They are not infallible.
On a personal level, I believe that when our inner values and our outer actions are in alignment, and when those actions and values are transparent, so that we would stand before all mankind and say: "this is who I am. And I would want my children, and your children to be the same, and I am prepared to stand before the universe and say that I would be willing and happy to be treated as I have treated others" that there is a simple peace that comes from this that cannot be replaced by money, or sex, or even life itself.
Those who have been abused, neglected, uncherished, often do not develop the spiritual sensory equipment to find their way to this place. The armies of lethal children found in inner cities around the third world (and sometimes the first world)
attest to this: they have not experienced love, and therefore have no ability to empathize, or care about much beyond survival and simple pleasures.
What IS a good life? In my mind, the correct answer to this needs no God in the universe to punish the wicked, although a life lived in this fashion often opens an awareness (or to be fair, a belief) in the existence of the divine. To be separated
from this sense is to be lost in an intellectual fog, trying to reason out the nature of things far larger than our minds. The intellect cannot go there, is the wrong tool. For decades Allen has tried to reason out his relationship with God, to understand the Holocaust in the framework of his childhood beliefs. I feel terribly sorry for him, and hope that he can forgive the world, and himself, in time to find peace in his life.
But meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy his ruminations. They are brilliant, and heartfelt, and heartbreakingly honest at this point in his life. "Match Point" is another of the best films of 2005, one which, unfortunately, I didn't see until 2006.
In retrospect, 2005 was one heck of a year for movies. I hope 2006 will be as fine.
About The Author: N.Y. Times Bestselling writer Steven Barnes has lectured on story and consciousness from UCLA to the Smithsonian Institute. He is the creator of the Lifewriting whole body/mind writing system. Learn more at: http://www.lifewrite.com
================
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
Single for the Holidays
"The best defense is a good offense." Get started today with Arbonne's DefenseBuilder, for your health.THIS IS SO EQ.
"You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
---------------------------------------------
Making the rounds of the Internet, called Military Wisdom. Notice it's not called Military Intelligence. "Wisdom" is in the realm of emotional intelligence. Knowing the enemy is within range is intelligence. Knowing that means you are as well, is Emotional Intelligence.
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Marine Corps training manual
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance officer
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal
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"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
- Anonymous
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
--From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left
to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and "Oh Shit!"
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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
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